Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "The Menu Murders"/Murder a'la carte! (stories 6 - 9): "MURDER IN MAXIMES."
6) Muder in Maximes.
(Private Dick) "D & D" eats EVERYTHING, no problemo. The Escargot, however - in Maximes- crawled out of their shells and, despite being shoulder deep in garlic, positively yelled: "Dat fucker in da Tux killed his frickin' wife!!! -It wasn't da Chef!" -which caught D & D's attention.
D & D (Private dick/speaks "Baby", "Dog", "Cat" (Meow!) and "Weasel" and now - apparently? - "Snail?") ,got the HINT backsides of Maximes? ... There's an alley there. A lonely b/w Bressai photo of old gay Paree? A "dumpster", of course, (industrial trash disposal thingy) guarded by the Hound of the Baskervilles (large Alsatian woof-dude!)?... Monsiuer Dupont - a Maximes regular - strangled his bitch-of-a-wife in that very same alley? (Body in dumpster-thingy?) And D& D CAME THRU! He just knew! -snail/escargot evidence? NO SIR!...
Later, some hack reporter asked, "D & D; How did U know he DONE her wrong?" (In French). "It was ALL about da dog, right? Da dog didn't bark?"
D & D replies: "Absolutely NOT dude. The dog in fact sang: "O sole mio" then pointed its PAW to da PERP!"
U CAN'T get away with murder in Maximes. That's THEIR job...when they hand U the bill.
7) Spaghetti...
BLACKMAIL is a dastardly business, but when U think about it, it's a One-way street? Somebody ALWAYS dies-usually, the blackmailer who - invariably - is a disreputable character (owes money left and right//been working the same old plastic - think BIC razor? - all his life?) ...Frugal on the shaving cream, too? -A case in scarlet!
The "mark" or "Vic" (dead fucker) was lilly-white and so was his vivacious WIFE (da blackmailer) with chain-sawed head and penis displaced? Think: Transvestite who got found out?.. Cops were confused. ME-FRICKIN' TOO! -The D-tects/CSI fashion-istas muddied the crime scene in NYPD plastic shoes! Lottsa' photos (facebook) shit going on - in case da Vic was a "Celeb"/make some Paparazzi extra cash? Yet some bright spark - out of his D-tect depth? -decided to call "D & D" (Dick & Dick- D-tect agency/"We do LOST FACES on milk cartons/We care, Inc.")... D & D sizes the " situ", points to the newly painted bathroom wall in this uptown, Madison avenue suite-apartment? The cops - in bags - tear it down only to find photos of "Lilly-White" in INTIMISSI lingerie clutching bags of "doobie" and $50,000 in unmarked bills?
LILLY-white got the CHAIR (executed) but D & D thought he'd better keep an eye on "Vivacious"? He was in NO doubt she had made the spaghetti despite the fact that she too had been entombed inside the bathroom wall?
It was her TWIN sister, D & D he was worried about? Frickin' spaghetti! Who murdered Who?...And just WHO was who?
8) Too late the Hero.
"...Is it any wonder?" Is it any wonder "D & D" muses on his private time, why the D-tects, the Cops in bags, the CSI fashionistas and the "deep-cover" private dicks have kids who are all fucked up, their wives on pills, with in-laws who pretend they love you? The smear of human detritus CLINGS long past when you leave/clock out your gig? A Rock star exults a crowd, wraps a towel 'round his neck, goes backstage and slugs "Champers!" A Politician, just stress? -like a Lion he strides back to his illusory Pride. A stockbroker -numbers, calculus in his head? -knowing his (or her's) immediate kin have been fed? A farmer thru great toil, surveys his fields with pride; a Trucker, cleans out his PETERBILT cab and says: "that's enough!"
D & D had just picked up one sole-bloodied dress earring. The "boyfriend" had done it; inevitably. The VIC was female, cocasion mid-40's, an alcoholic-tattooed "pain-in the-ass". And on THIS point, D & D had "inside" information. Her LEFT severed arm was tattooed with that exact message: "PAIN BABY"... He (D & D) wondered who her parents were? what - for her maturing Child, what she might have become had she lived; and all the textured crime of the scene?
This particular "Vic" had cut-outs, from milk cartons, of missing children on her bedstead, refrigerator and wall to wall bathroom. D & D indicated to the cops-in-bags that they MIGHT hit the local L.A. bars and secure the "perp"; he wasn't going far; with the cautionary advisory: "Keep one eye out for the chain-saw?" Then he ignored the flash lite-cop-ambulance-Lady Gaga chaos and walked down a non-descript Los Angeles Elm street and began to quietly SCREAM.
Some minutes, or one hour later, he found himself on Pico (boulevard) in West Hollywood and, walking past a Greek joint named HEROES,the food's scent crystallised in his veins? He - SO MUCH - hated to be alive!...The VIC was in fact his Client and - too late - he had just located her missing abducted daughter.
9) The FOUR SEASONS
The "Four Season" - aptly named? - It takes ALL of them - sometimes - to get a decent table? "D & D" however, had NO reservations. The STIFF (Vic), at table next to the kitchen's swing door...was RARE! Actually, going on RAW!). And punters at the adjacent tables were, possibly prematurely, starting to kick up a stink?
"MUST people die in a restaurant?" -some pearl necklace exclaims.
"Could'a took it outside before the 'Secondi!" -Armani-tuxedo, in reference to - in death - the last human act?
D & D, who happened to be dinning there quickly assessed the "cause d'affaire": "GASTRONOMIC SUICIDE!" -he belched to the Cops-in-bags.
The "Vic" was a notorious philanderer and what with 'dead-daddies' ill.gotten gains, he took pride in being SERVILE to all as sunder, especially "waiting" staff?
.....He was intentionally POSED of course. Index finger on dead poised lips. Other index almost tinkering with dead carnation fighting for survival thru his butt-hole? There's a LOT that "Broadway" can stage manage in a dinning alcove? HATS OFF! But D & D (Private Dick/We find lost kids on Milk Cartons)... for once?...for ONCE and one time only? -ignored the justice of LAW-over-EASY and concurred (downright agreed!) "LET RIGHT BE DONE." at Le Chateau 4 Seasons.
No one got busted.
D &D, incidentally, has a standing reservation at the NYC Four Seasons and is quite content to have a background table....:)
c 2014/davddelacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/piacenza-italia
6) Muder in Maximes.
(Private Dick) "D & D" eats EVERYTHING, no problemo. The Escargot, however - in Maximes- crawled out of their shells and, despite being shoulder deep in garlic, positively yelled: "Dat fucker in da Tux killed his frickin' wife!!! -It wasn't da Chef!" -which caught D & D's attention.
D & D (Private dick/speaks "Baby", "Dog", "Cat" (Meow!) and "Weasel" and now - apparently? - "Snail?") ,got the HINT backsides of Maximes? ... There's an alley there. A lonely b/w Bressai photo of old gay Paree? A "dumpster", of course, (industrial trash disposal thingy) guarded by the Hound of the Baskervilles (large Alsatian woof-dude!)?... Monsiuer Dupont - a Maximes regular - strangled his bitch-of-a-wife in that very same alley? (Body in dumpster-thingy?) And D& D CAME THRU! He just knew! -snail/escargot evidence? NO SIR!...
Later, some hack reporter asked, "D & D; How did U know he DONE her wrong?" (In French). "It was ALL about da dog, right? Da dog didn't bark?"
D & D replies: "Absolutely NOT dude. The dog in fact sang: "O sole mio" then pointed its PAW to da PERP!"
U CAN'T get away with murder in Maximes. That's THEIR job...when they hand U the bill.
7) Spaghetti...
BLACKMAIL is a dastardly business, but when U think about it, it's a One-way street? Somebody ALWAYS dies-usually, the blackmailer who - invariably - is a disreputable character (owes money left and right//been working the same old plastic - think BIC razor? - all his life?) ...Frugal on the shaving cream, too? -A case in scarlet!
The "mark" or "Vic" (dead fucker) was lilly-white and so was his vivacious WIFE (da blackmailer) with chain-sawed head and penis displaced? Think: Transvestite who got found out?.. Cops were confused. ME-FRICKIN' TOO! -The D-tects/CSI fashion-istas muddied the crime scene in NYPD plastic shoes! Lottsa' photos (facebook) shit going on - in case da Vic was a "Celeb"/make some Paparazzi extra cash? Yet some bright spark - out of his D-tect depth? -decided to call "D & D" (Dick & Dick- D-tect agency/"We do LOST FACES on milk cartons/We care, Inc.")... D & D sizes the " situ", points to the newly painted bathroom wall in this uptown, Madison avenue suite-apartment? The cops - in bags - tear it down only to find photos of "Lilly-White" in INTIMISSI lingerie clutching bags of "doobie" and $50,000 in unmarked bills?
LILLY-white got the CHAIR (executed) but D & D thought he'd better keep an eye on "Vivacious"? He was in NO doubt she had made the spaghetti despite the fact that she too had been entombed inside the bathroom wall?
It was her TWIN sister, D & D he was worried about? Frickin' spaghetti! Who murdered Who?...And just WHO was who?
8) Too late the Hero.
"...Is it any wonder?" Is it any wonder "D & D" muses on his private time, why the D-tects, the Cops in bags, the CSI fashionistas and the "deep-cover" private dicks have kids who are all fucked up, their wives on pills, with in-laws who pretend they love you? The smear of human detritus CLINGS long past when you leave/clock out your gig? A Rock star exults a crowd, wraps a towel 'round his neck, goes backstage and slugs "Champers!" A Politician, just stress? -like a Lion he strides back to his illusory Pride. A stockbroker -numbers, calculus in his head? -knowing his (or her's) immediate kin have been fed? A farmer thru great toil, surveys his fields with pride; a Trucker, cleans out his PETERBILT cab and says: "that's enough!"
D & D had just picked up one sole-bloodied dress earring. The "boyfriend" had done it; inevitably. The VIC was female, cocasion mid-40's, an alcoholic-tattooed "pain-in the-ass". And on THIS point, D & D had "inside" information. Her LEFT severed arm was tattooed with that exact message: "PAIN BABY"... He (D & D) wondered who her parents were? what - for her maturing Child, what she might have become had she lived; and all the textured crime of the scene?
This particular "Vic" had cut-outs, from milk cartons, of missing children on her bedstead, refrigerator and wall to wall bathroom. D & D indicated to the cops-in-bags that they MIGHT hit the local L.A. bars and secure the "perp"; he wasn't going far; with the cautionary advisory: "Keep one eye out for the chain-saw?" Then he ignored the flash lite-cop-ambulance-Lady Gaga chaos and walked down a non-descript Los Angeles Elm street and began to quietly SCREAM.
Some minutes, or one hour later, he found himself on Pico (boulevard) in West Hollywood and, walking past a Greek joint named HEROES,the food's scent crystallised in his veins? He - SO MUCH - hated to be alive!...The VIC was in fact his Client and - too late - he had just located her missing abducted daughter.
9) The FOUR SEASONS
The "Four Season" - aptly named? - It takes ALL of them - sometimes - to get a decent table? "D & D" however, had NO reservations. The STIFF (Vic), at table next to the kitchen's swing door...was RARE! Actually, going on RAW!). And punters at the adjacent tables were, possibly prematurely, starting to kick up a stink?
"MUST people die in a restaurant?" -some pearl necklace exclaims.
"Could'a took it outside before the 'Secondi!" -Armani-tuxedo, in reference to - in death - the last human act?
D & D, who happened to be dinning there quickly assessed the "cause d'affaire": "GASTRONOMIC SUICIDE!" -he belched to the Cops-in-bags.
The "Vic" was a notorious philanderer and what with 'dead-daddies' ill.gotten gains, he took pride in being SERVILE to all as sunder, especially "waiting" staff?
.....He was intentionally POSED of course. Index finger on dead poised lips. Other index almost tinkering with dead carnation fighting for survival thru his butt-hole? There's a LOT that "Broadway" can stage manage in a dinning alcove? HATS OFF! But D & D (Private Dick/We find lost kids on Milk Cartons)... for once?...for ONCE and one time only? -ignored the justice of LAW-over-EASY and concurred (downright agreed!) "LET RIGHT BE DONE." at Le Chateau 4 Seasons.
No one got busted.
D &D, incidentally, has a standing reservation at the NYC Four Seasons and is quite content to have a background table....:)
c 2014/davddelacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/piacenza-italia
