Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix esq./the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/No. 2: WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle: No 2: WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE


During the holiday season, Xmas/new year, it's customary to blast out "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (Ze Beatles) or a myriad of Classical music; choral, symphonic, Mozart: yet, don't ask me how/why? -the WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (Dvorzak?) always neaks in there on the radio play-list, somewhere?...

Historical background? -'Bout some - I dunno? - SWISS guy who pisses off the local Sherrif and has to prove his innocence (law & order) by/with a Crossbow, shooting an APPLE (?) off  his son's head from 3 thousand yards...? All to the sound of flutes, accordions, bagpipes & and beer belching! (He gotta fail). Still? He, WILLIAM TELL, accomplishes this feat.

Think "regionally", folks? In the Amazon, he'd have to use a bow and poisoned tipped arrow! In Tanzania, a great big frickin' spear! In OLDE England/France? a really long Lance! -later? a spiked Mace!!! In New York City, a Colt.45; in Los Angeles? -anything "semi-automatic"! (purchased in South-Central).

The fact that Wialliam Tell (of OVERTURE fame) -with crossbow HIT the apple and NOT his kid's head, is a miracle. Everywhere else? It's a god damn funereal.

c 2012/dave delacroix/our man in europe/dec/piacenza/italia

Our man in Europe/The FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle: dave delacroix/part 1: TRANQUILITY ANNONYMOUS.

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/part ONE:  TRANQUILITY ANNONYMOUS.



"Hello! My name is Dave. I've been NON-tranquiltity for 2 weeks!"
(HOORAH! -Dave!!!)
"...I first knew I was a tranquility sufferer when I lapsed into "higher deucation", started dating a CO-ED named WANDA and began reading Dostoyevsky?
Wanda, of course, left me me for some whizz-kid on Facebook called RALPH. She had a dog - Cockle-spanniel - ALSO called Ralph.
Wanda and Ralph (the Cockle-spanniel) now live in an Airstream trailer WITH RALPH (the facebook-dude) just south of Phoenix, Arizona.
Like I say; my name is DAVE. I'm working on NON-tranquility, and and have been "tranqulity-free" for over 2 weeks!

People I know - hardly friends? - keep dropping by my room at the MOTEL 6 (where I reside) and persistently; either want me to lend them $20.00, invest in  Rock-Cocaine, or go with them to BBQ's/late night parties?
Up till 2 weeks ago, I'd always "put my foot down!" and say, "Absolutely NOT. I'm Tranquil!"

Reading the complete works of Dostoyevsky, however, must have had some effect? The text is in Russian, but even an IDIOT can translate "Crime and Punishment"? -it's a Crime to write, and a punishment to read: -ask WANDA! -why, indeed, she probably left me/I yabbered, re. subj. mucho-mucho: (with the Cockle-Spanniel CALLED Ralph, she left me...) for that guy named Ralph.
Crime? Punishments? Idiots?...

Anyhow, things take time. It's only been 2 weeks. And with the aid of my psycho-therapist (Vinnie, the Rock-cocine dealer) who works out of the next room at the MOTEL 6; -daily BBQ's, late nite parties? -I DO believe I'm in "recovery"...?

"HI. My name is DAVE. I've been NON-Tranquility for 2 weeks!..."
(HOORAH!-DAVE!)


c 2012/davedelacroix/xmas eve/piacenza/italia

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/rockstar/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 20: "Post Office Sketc..."

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/rockstar/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle! -part 20:  "Post Office sketch..."


Scene: Italian Post office.

ME: "I want to pay my utility - gas/electric - bill?
CASHIER: "So give me the bill?"
ME: "I don't have one."
CASHIER: "You want to pay a bill that you don't have? Are you an idiot?"
ME: "Madame, I AM an idiot...but thinking of my immediate future, I figure I should pay my utility bill. It's Winter, after-all"
CASHIER: "Do you have any kind of "future" paper-work; a "future" bill?"
ME: "No Ma'am. Just MONEY:"
CASHIER: "Well, how much do you think you owe? I mean; have you left the lights on all month, the jacuzzi, bubbling; have - if you HAVE any children? - have they been splashing around in your customized-heated swimming pool...with rubber ducks and a pink - flotation - giraffe?"
ME: "Ma'am? I got nothing to do with giraffes."
CASHIER: "But you DO admit to:

1) Having a swimming pool?
2) A bubbling jacuzzi?
3) Children?
4) A pink flotation device that COULD pass as a giraffe?"

ME: "Ma'am? I got nothing to do with giraffes."
CASHIER: "Look!... Before I call my Supervisor..."

(to be continued)

Stock cubes: €o.35
Yoghurt: €0.25
Vino: €5.00
Latte: €2.00 (3 litres)
String beans: €1.50
Utility bill: €250.00

c 2012/davedelacroix/dec/piacenza/italy

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/handsome guy/lord BORGO/here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 19: .....For ZELDA.

Our man in Europe/dave delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 19: "...for ZELDA."


There is not a doubt in my mind that when Abe Lincoln delivered his speech: The Declaration of Independence, on the battlefield field of Gettysburg, where so much butchery had taken place...he had tooth-ache or crotch-itch?
There's NO levity, here, folks. Just an observation of the on-going Human condition...  Re. tooth-ache, etc.? YOU would have. I would have, too. It's a NO-brain er. Comes with the territory.
ABE probably needed a tooth-pick. All General Ulysses S. Grant could do was offer his President a bottle of Whisky!...?

Does the Soul get younger...as mind, body-limbs degenerate?
Universally, it's possible.

Once again, we "prep" for yuletide;

Where are the Claudia's, Carole's, Anita's and Zelda's of yest er-year?

Claudia would arrive with a new Tiffany table lamp.

Carol? A Yiddish tree, plus sweetmeats.

Anita? She would bounce out her best "chiffon" and dance the night away!

Zelda? She would bring her Heart and - like the Sun - BLAZE!...

Did I forget to mention Wanda?.. SHE would ignore the festivities. Instead? She'd find a quiet room and work feverishly, polishing her SURF BOARD (long one).

Unlike festive "tweakers" on Cocaine, THESE ladies had no USE for Shame...and spoke with intelligence.

WHERE ARE they now? Where!?... Dead? Buried? Living, perhaps, in that sad Stretch Limousine called Maturity? -under, go figure, the ALL SEEING EYE of that Clown in the sky?

I KICK.
I KICK HARD!!!

Abe Lincoln.. Poor man. GREAT man. He lost his young, only son, to illness.
Heartbroken.
Why? And how can we thrive in the throes of such vicissitudes?

Jock-itch?
Scalp-itch?
Menstrual nightmares?
Bi-polar-ism?
NO DENTAL PLAN?
Jeeze!? What am I gonna wear tonight? It's Christmas!!!!

...I think I'll wear "the Declaration of Independence"... for Zelda.

c 2012/dec/davedelacroix/lord borgo/piacenza/italia.

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/here comes Johnny Love Muscle/part 18: BAMBOO!

Europe thingy/dave/Love Muscle on the premises!/part 18:  BAMBOO!


Listening to Wagner opera is a tad like reading my Winter's utility bill. Verdi? Consomme for the starving. There's a hearty cruton in there, someplace. Alas, my spoon has no guidance system.
Italian Classical-music radio; the D-J's, worthy of the Flavian Colisseum (give them centre stage and hope the lions are hungry?): DEF.

The Chinese, who invented EVERYTHING twice outside of sexual abstinence are Dance Commanders. Yet whilst chop stcks are eco-practical, I will always opt for the logic of a fork.

BAMBOO (the cane)  comes to mind. It's a source of stored water, if fermented? -beer/vino; a construction material: a weapon!
My OWN focus is turning it into a "Still": Alcohol. An elexir for the mind and soul?
Like I say; the Chinese have already invented/discovered this Twice.

Listening to Wagner opera is a tad like reading my Winter's utility bill. Verdi? A consomme for the starving. Indeed, there's a hearty cruton in there, someplace. My spoon, alas, has no guidance system.

I just met Franzetta. She's Italian. She's young. She's an aristocrat. She likes Verdi. She's rich. She wears a decorious silk bandanna and has a "lamia" body.
I explain my penury, my €139.20 utility bill. (they'll disconnect me mid.Jan) She gives me the money, and then some. (there's some kissing involved).
My trauma is complete. Pay the utility bill or go by a truck load of Whisky?

Like I say; the Chinese invented everything twice.


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/piacenza/italia

Our Kid in Europe/dave delacroix/adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/part 17/ CHRISTMAS CAROL

Our kid in Europe/dave delacroix/here comes Johnny Love Muscle/part 17/CHRISTMAS CAROL


A broken clock is correct, twice, every 24 hours, IF - infact - Time... is anything. to go by: We walk by night..
Whisky'll make a blind man sing the Blues. Clocks? Re. that Whisky thing? -the Jury is "still out" on that one, though I have seen some crazy clocks!; not one of them can answer: "Ou sont les neige, d'anton?"

Beans: €.25 c.
Tomatoes: € 1.00
Pasta: € 1.00

A Drunk has Faith in beer. An Alcoholic, in Vodka. YOUTH? -in Tomorrow. The Aged? -in TIME...which, they have learnt to fear.
As for the latter? Clocks are "dread"; all Faith, instilled in childhood, is laced with fear. It's the Brandy in the Christmas pudding. Somewhere within, there's a coin, a three-penny bit, a silver sixpence... Actually, it's the only way to get the kids to eat Cake!?
Baby Jesus's nativity scene & Capitalism-greed go hand-in-hand. And THAT was back in the 1960's! Today? 2012? Instead of almost choking to death on pudding/discovering metal in your mouth, you're more likely to find yourself chowing down on a plastic Credit-card ($50 credit limit) awaiting - whilst staring at the Nativity scene/some cartoon on MTV - your signature...?

Still; it's an influence. Hopefully, one that penetrates "blank minds" and leads you elsewhere, than to the field of Lawyering (the brandy) or Politics? (Heroine, probably)

Mushrooms:  €2.15
Can of tomatoes:  €.0.99c
Spinnach/frozen:  €2.00

A broken clock is accurate, twice every 24 hours. Somebody once coigned it. Maybe they coigned it twice, just to get the message across? -We walk by Night...in the Light of Day.

Meantime? It's Time my "locks" (hair) gott'a trim!...:)


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/xmas/piacenza/italia
A

Our Man in Europe/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 16: SUBAH AL KAHIR! (I repeat) SUBAH AL KAHIR!

Young Dave-in Europe/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 16: "Subah al Kahir! Subah al Kahir!"
(Screenplay/treatment for "Internet Cafe" Movie")


WOMAN SCREAMS (a lot) obviously in labour/giving birth/it's messy...on the floor of an Internet Cafe in Piacenza, Italy.
DANIEL, the young Manager, not supported by anyone in the Cafe "delivers" the infant. 2 of several - useless bystanders - faint/pass out. One "netter" keeps on typing/skyping, indifferent.
DANIEL holds up new-born, bloodied infant; looks into Camera:

(Daniel) : "You know? It wasn't always like this? It used to be a Business, a gift from my Dad - may Allah favor him in heaven - to my brother FANI, to me, so that we could raise our families and be free?

(FLASHBACK) Daniel's Dad, addressing both Daniel & Fani:

"Boys? I got us the hell out of Dacca (Pakistan). You don't remember. You were just infants haning onto your Momma's Sari. But TRUST ME, here in Italy, ya got a fighting chance. Ya DO right by the World? The World will DO right by you!... I bought into this "Internet thing". A shop. 15 work stations, 8 phone kiosks, coffee machine, desk-table, current years' calender which, you will note, is hanging on the wall to my right -as TIME IS EVERYTHING. So, go to it! Rake in the Clients, make lots'a bucks! And keep the bathroom clean!"
(Daniel & Fani click their heels and look obliquely in Dad's general direction)

Did I mention LOLA?

(Daniel) "So we hung out Dad's shingle: "Happy Time-Internet Cafe"... First day? NEMO. NADA. No biz.  Second day? BUFFALO STAMPEDE: Indira Ghandi and her many cousins, Mustapha from Morrocco plus lots of cousins, YELLOW ORCHID from Malaysia/runs a Dance Class down the street, HELMUT - go figure? - a German guy, operates the local biker outlet/is always showing up with Harley-Davidson parts and deserious of "Auto-cad" (re. bikes) with which - Allah-akbah!" - my brother FANI is conversant.

My discourse with the Cafe's clientele consists mostly of "Subah al kahir" (Good morning). Please use work station No. 9, whatever. That will be 1 Euro, 3 Euroes; do you need change? Grazie. And when the poorest of the clientele (Bosnian refugees) struggle to pay their bill? -Grazie, grazie, Dio! (thanks god)...

...............................


TO BE CONTINUED...... "Subah al Kahir/Internet Cafe" -including my (Daniel), my affair with ballerina, Yellow-Orchid, how FANI - my brother - becomes a Protestant and has a frustrated love affair with a female Bhuddist, how three - not very proffessional NINJA super-market robbers take refuge in the Cafe, culminating in a Swat team Cop stand-off and use our SKYPE service for free, how HELMUT the Biker comes to the rescue, the BUFFALO STAMPEDE, the necessary CAR-CHASE, the big SHOOT-OUT with semi-automatic weapons, and how I - sort of - become the hero of the day!.... (Honest!)
Did I mention LOLA?


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/dec/xmas/piacenza/italia

Our Rockstar in Europe/dave delacroix/here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 15: "CLAUDIA-PROPAGANDA"

Our Dude in Europe/dave-LORD BORGO/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 15:  "CLAUDIA-PROPAGANDA!"
(dedicato: to lead girl singer in, 80's German band, Propaganda)

Claudia-Propaganda? .. Still got this "thing" about her. Intense, blonde, wirey, big eyes: punctuated!

"Never look back!" -Dr Mabeus? And the THIRD time? "Don't be a fool!"/Joseph Beuys backdrop... Who counts Time? The Berlin wall? It got OLD. It fell down; something the Baader-Meinhof Gang couldn't puncture.... And the "comfort zone", your after fame retreat? Where are you now, Claudia?
Never look back. Nino Rota is dead.

Still. Did your EAGLE fly? Did - and, yes, you DID fly like the Sun! -your "sense of attack" to THIS day, makes me want to die...or cry in smiles.

Claudia-Propaganda? Still got that ZING "intense"? Disinterested air, aquiline nose, big eyes and nasal voice, punctuated, ever to enchant?

TIME sticks - Fellini movie - in a curious mosaic. Our (musical) legacy, alas, is in the hands of strangers, students or dilletants... So are our loves; our TRUE lives; but perhaps, not the line of our Dreams?...

c 2012/dave delacroix/dec. Piacenza/italy...:)

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/Part 14: "Arrivederci, Mr Scrooge!"

Our Man in Europe/Dave Delacroix/Lord Borgo/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 14:  "Arrivederci, Mr Scrooge!"


I'd like - in advance - to NOT thank all my USA fans for NOT SENDING any advance-Yuletide gifts, presents, Red Cross parcels, etc.
My own gifts (to all 3,000 of them, especially those blondes down in Santa Barbara, California) which I've wrapped, addressed, duct taped, are awaiting Signori Giovanni Posto (the Mail guy who dresses like Napoleon). Xmas, for HIM is a stressful time. When an Italian Mailman "goes Postal!", watch out! He either reaches for his ceremonial Sabre/dress-thing/not sharp/but can wave it about OR - be doubly alert! - starts loading his Musket/Blunderbuss gun (takes a few minutes...) and can clear an entire Post Office with a single discharge!

Re. my Xmas parcel gifts to my USA fans? I repeat They are wrapped, addressed, duct taped, awaiting only the cost of the postage/stamps (pesky detail) and in view of my anticipation of actually NOT being reciprocated in my yuletide magnimanity, it's quite possible that I can give Signori Giovanni Posto a break, hold off to Spring (Primiaveri) or open them (the prezzies) myself on Xmas day and GUSH:
"Gee? Wonder what THIS is?"
"A PLECTRUM!" Wow."
"An old wristwatch/Doesn't work! Wow!"
"A battered paperback/Agatha Christie/"Why didn't they ask EVANS?" -Wow!"
Wow-wow-wow! - "A vintage DAVE DELACROIX - OUR TOUR 89 tee shirt!?" -Frickin' wow! I used to have one just like that!!!? -Amazing. Zanks, Santa Claws...?

MACKEREL (the Fish), incidentally, usually comes in a €2.00 tin can... For all "I" know, that's how Mackerel are born. The sea bed, apparently, is littered with them. Fishermen (dudes in rubbers) come by and "trawl" the suckers up in a heavy net, bypass the Cannery factory and park them on the Supermarket shelves.
I'm reliably informed by the ghost of MARK TWAIN -who resides on  a barstool at the Cafe Vespa/Piacenza , that it is indeed a lucrative business...  And if there are NO flies actually IN the Can with the blessed Mackerel? Don't eat it. (the Mackerel) It's not fresh. (According to Mark Twain)
Back to MACKEREL (the fish) I got 'me one. A CAN, that is... Been saving it since July. And if it hasn't quite turned into a bacterial-science project, THAT Baby's on my Xmas day luncheon plate along with the spuds and greens; served, quite naturally, with Chateau BOX vino Rose (dubious vintage) and a side saucer of COLMANS super-hot English mustard powder which, again, MARK TWAIN-Cafe Vespa barstool sage-dude - informs me you're supposed to mix with a little water (?) ...

My  "Budette" (female for Buddy) Carole - from the USA - left me a huge bag of it when she whisked by last October. It's pretty "narly". I've been doing "lines" of the stuff on my coffee table every 45 minutes ever since! My nasal cavities, needless to say, are history.

"Apres" Xmas lunch? Whilst oggling the unsent gift/parcels? If Mimi & Mimi DO NOT swing by for a "menage de trois" dessert, then there's always the T.V. (limited channel reception) which seems to be monopolized by T.V. airwave Pirates from Eastern Europe (the Dark Side)... Serbia. Albania (known to own at least 3 TV sets), Bulgaria and the BIG ONE: Italo-Rumania.
Outside of the Rumanian political news -which I can't make head nor tale of ...as I don't speak the lingo (bunch of beauracrats in suits/ditto world goverment/it's time for a fashion revolution/"tie-dies & bell bottoms/beads"?), air-time is  largely dedicated to "Soft-porn" always shot in the SAME horrendous block of flats, interspersed with lengthy Rumanian Folk songs/pop videos featuring Rumainian "Rock stars" who ALL play the Accordion/wear Gypsy costumes and do the "Eternal 2-step" on someone's back lawn... By the time the "show" shifts from soft porn to music videos, then reverts BACK to soft porn? Trust me. You're all fagged out.

Where was I? Oh yes. More to say. But I gotta go! From ME, Mark Twain and Tiny Tim? -Merry Christmas, EVERYONE!...:)


c 2012/davedelacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/fuggedaboutit!....hugs!...:)

Our dude in Enrope/dave delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 13: LOW-RIDER.

Our Nephew in Europe (always asking for money)/ Here comes Johnny Love Muscle/DAVE de la Croix/part 13:  LOW-RIDER:

Low-rider? Don't ya spin your Hot-Rod wheels!
Tires on asphalt/Tarmac, got that Road-house feel?
Punch those gears till tomorrow. Tell Mary-Kay, someday, it's how you feel?

Come on down to Bakersfield, come on down-San Fernando Valley. Come on down to Denver town!
No fog.
No Warren Zevon soundtracks.
...Mary-Kay's kiss?
That's ALL you're ever gonna miss: Low-rider.

                        Low-rider? Keep your eye on that Highway line. Right now? -It's "arrow" straight. Someday, it'll SNAKE
.
...One hand on the wheel, one arm around Mary-Kay. She "boosts" the car radio, YOU crank up the Chrome.

(I'm NOT your Pappa: Ya gonna do alright.)


c 2012/dave delacroix/outta Modesto/Sacremento/Lodi/and then some...

Our Man in Europe/Dave-Dave/Here comes Johnny love Muscle/part 12: PRIDE.

Our dude in Europe/delacroix esq./here come your money-maker!/part 12: PRIDE:


Between her legs, perhaps, you never ventured? Her profile, once glimpsed, photographed your OWN mind; at the market, at the Airport, in a bar, late at night: Still, distilled, she favors your aging smile?
Who WAS she? Where did she go? Did she marry some SLO-MO? And YOU? -horrified!?

Where did HE go, she asks? HE, the MAN!? ...At the market. At the Airport. At the bar, late at night? "I would have given him EVERYTHING. I would have worn my best dress/my University diplomas! I would have suffered, I would have DIED for him!!!
I see him still. WHO was he? Where did he go? What road did he take...to that place where we BOTH could not go?


c 2012/dave delacroix/someone lend me eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Euroes
by wednesday/food parcels ARE an option...:)

Our Man in Europe/davedelacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle/part 11: Twilight of the Gods

Our Man in Europe/Dave Delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle: part 11: TWILGHT OF THE GODS.

Two clocks/watches, both keeping time, two minutes apart, faithfully tick-tock.

Things to do?

1)   Groceries:

Muslim sausage
Latte
Pane
Potate
Frickin' eggs!
Spinnache
Basmatti rice
Fagioli.

2)  

Go to "Corso Vittorio Emmanuele 11"  (street) and "strum" guitar for 15 minutes.

3)

Go to Internet cafe and post "A'la recherche du temps perdu."  (No.56)

4)

Buy Whisky/beer/smokes.

5)

Go home (via Campagna, 89, Piacenza)/string guitar/load GLOCK 9mm handgun.

6)

Ignore door-bell ringing.


c 2012/davedelacroix/lord borgo/piacenza/italia....:)

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix esq./Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 10: "I LOVE LUCY!"

Our Man doobie-doo/dave delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 10:  "I LOVE LUCY!"


She says, "I love you." But I have my doubts... Her small nose is errect (Cocaine habit?) and draws her upper lip to a facial question. Michelangelo? -that leads to dark eyes; Carravagio? -which - collectively? - smoulders a'la Raphael?

It's hard to deal (always!) to DEAL with a Madonna. Maybe it's the thought of the on-comming bambino? -which is to say, the Adoration of the Magi, the Adoration of the Shepherds, the cows, goats, lambs, and ALL those frickers who got a Backstage Pass!?...which is to say? (Post Ephiphany?) Just WHERE do "I" fit in...in the frickin' renaisance painting? STAGE LEFT?

Meantime, in life's throng, I meet Lucy from Rio/Cuba/West of Madrid? She's a "belladonna", too. Pragmatic, got GLOCK 9mm. semi-automatic common-sense. When she turns her head, her Medici-brunette locks Whiplash!

Where do I go?

It's a NO-brainer.


c 2012/davedelacroix/lord borgo/rockstar/piacenza/italia