Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/BAD TOURIST, No. 12: "Lost in SHANGHAI with the ROMA BLUES..."
1) BANK OF AMERICA: The last word...
...Ran into FIONA walking her dog, MATRIX, up on the via Calzolai (Piacenza, Italy), by the Piazza Cavalli. It was kind'a embarrassing? I was having a "monetary dispute" with my Bank's ATM, bancomat-thingy? Normally, when I have NO financial Credit, a SNEERING face appears on the ATM screen-SPITTAL is directed at me from several angles in the ATM cubicle...But THIS time an ARM and a FIST portruded from within the "Cash Monitor" and, fist unclenched? -grabbed me by the throat!?...
"Insult-to-injury"; says I: "I git NO respect/I gotta pay my UTILITY bill!?"
Then a SECOND hand/fist portruded, presented me with a large Candle, wrapped in a the last known photo of the VIRGIN MARY - a women I've never-even met? -Then the FIRST hand/fist resumes to slapping me - for 10 minutes! - across the face!!!?
Naturally, I was OUTRAGED?
"ZOUNDS!?" -I exclaimed, "I know you folks - THE BANK OF AMERICA - are in deep "Financial Crappola", but - never before as your "Custumer Service" been so quite diabolical!?
.......The cash machine BELCHED!...
...Anyways? It started to rain. FIONA (and dog MATRIX) arrived to save the Day. I bashed in the ATM-cash-monitor with my Winter - Foot Locker - Bovver-boots, cussed-excessively and "had the last word" before FIONA (and dog MATRIX) dragged me away - kicking and screaming/semi-demonically - before the "Only One Bullet Allowed" CARRIBINERI cops arrived?...
We went to the Cafe Vespa, on via Parvese where, after 2 or 6 vinos, I calmed down.
2) PIACENZA CRICKET-CLUB: "Debacle!"
...If life wasn't tough enough, late January, the day after it snowed in Piacenza (Italy), it poured BUCKETS. Many of US old wise CRICKET owls spent some time - over Vino - shaking our heads in resignation.
Then? The sun came out? Ya could' called me RALPH!?
"Ralph?" cried PHARNEY /(Captain of the PAKISTANI team).
"Don't call me RALPH!" -I replied: "GAME ON!!!"
The "sold out" crowd applauded: 3 guys, some homeless chick and a stray dog.
Due to the inclement weather and - factoid - the local Priest from St. SISTO - who refused to arrive/BLESS the PIACENZA CRICKET CLUB game on the grounds that it was a "violent" pastime, contrary to the Catholic Catechism: "BE AS MEEK AND GENTLE AS MUTTON", and (ahah!) on a damp Sunday afternoon? -was probably lying DRUNK in full Papal regalia on his "divan" being administered to by two lonely NUNS?..
...This is ENGLAND 'gainst PAKISTAN, folks! The Pakistanis are keen to VANQUISH the "white-boys/mostly Italian" ENGLISH fellas. They wanna do a "warm-up" thingy: CHARNEY (Pakistan) ferociously bowls PHARNEY (CAPTAIN of Pakistan) OUT-OUT-OUT! -with his first "over"! OOWWWSSSAATTT!!!
(First play, goddammit?) -Pakistani against Pakistani.
THIS WAS BIG MOJO;
my "England" team wasn't even involved?
-BATS were thrown? WICKETS became SPEARS! (forget the CORKY BALL? -Stealth frickin' Missile!?)... And did the (Italian) CARRIBINERI (cops with one bullet) ever show up to remonstrate this fracas? -NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
Later? I heard the "homeless chick" was in fact PARIS HILTON. She, and the stray dog, both went to jail and are now receiving post-traumatic-Cricket counselling.
3) OF MICE and MEN...
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"There was an old Woman from Swansea!..."
JESUS? (dude in heaven?) has been totally harassed for the last 200 years (Petition the Lord with Prayer?) from bureaucrats in MARGATE, BOULOGNE SUR MER and MONTE CARLO/Italian coastal towns too numerous to name including BRINDISI also feature in this "situ"; noticeably ABSENT were the cities of KOBLENZ (Germany), GRAZ (Austria) and DIJON (France) which are NOT coastal towns,; present Eco-system prevailing.
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"It ALWAYS rains in California".... Actually? It doesn't. I've lived there. And, "No-one's getting FAT 'cept MAMA CASS?" -Trust me. Mama Cass Eliot has the least of that problem; her fans, on the other hand, might just need to skip that next "power-lunch" in Brentwood, least ways, try to ensure the rest of the WORLD doesn't erect Public Signs saying: NO SMOKING ON THE BEACH whilst paving Paradise.
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"ARIZONA got PNEUMONIA!".. Ask ANYONE who was born there: THE NIGHT OFTHE IGUANA!, THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS!, THE DAY OF THE LOCUSTS!, and...what you see, in Arizona, actually, just SEEMS.
On a "happy note"? Some half naked kid, where YOU don't go, in a forest, jungle, frickin' island, outside of your scope? -She plucks a mango from a tree. Her teeth of brilliant white. Her skin is clean; far from a world of MICE AND MEN, a woman from Swansea
... and all our schemes...?
c 2014/davedelacroix/lord borgo/piacenza-Italia...:)
1) BANK OF AMERICA: The last word...
...Ran into FIONA walking her dog, MATRIX, up on the via Calzolai (Piacenza, Italy), by the Piazza Cavalli. It was kind'a embarrassing? I was having a "monetary dispute" with my Bank's ATM, bancomat-thingy? Normally, when I have NO financial Credit, a SNEERING face appears on the ATM screen-SPITTAL is directed at me from several angles in the ATM cubicle...But THIS time an ARM and a FIST portruded from within the "Cash Monitor" and, fist unclenched? -grabbed me by the throat!?...
"Insult-to-injury"; says I: "I git NO respect/I gotta pay my UTILITY bill!?"
Then a SECOND hand/fist portruded, presented me with a large Candle, wrapped in a the last known photo of the VIRGIN MARY - a women I've never-even met? -Then the FIRST hand/fist resumes to slapping me - for 10 minutes! - across the face!!!?
Naturally, I was OUTRAGED?
"ZOUNDS!?" -I exclaimed, "I know you folks - THE BANK OF AMERICA - are in deep "Financial Crappola", but - never before as your "Custumer Service" been so quite diabolical!?
.......The cash machine BELCHED!...
...Anyways? It started to rain. FIONA (and dog MATRIX) arrived to save the Day. I bashed in the ATM-cash-monitor with my Winter - Foot Locker - Bovver-boots, cussed-excessively and "had the last word" before FIONA (and dog MATRIX) dragged me away - kicking and screaming/semi-demonically - before the "Only One Bullet Allowed" CARRIBINERI cops arrived?...
We went to the Cafe Vespa, on via Parvese where, after 2 or 6 vinos, I calmed down.
2) PIACENZA CRICKET-CLUB: "Debacle!"
...If life wasn't tough enough, late January, the day after it snowed in Piacenza (Italy), it poured BUCKETS. Many of US old wise CRICKET owls spent some time - over Vino - shaking our heads in resignation.
Then? The sun came out? Ya could' called me RALPH!?
"Ralph?" cried PHARNEY /(Captain of the PAKISTANI team).
"Don't call me RALPH!" -I replied: "GAME ON!!!"
The "sold out" crowd applauded: 3 guys, some homeless chick and a stray dog.
Due to the inclement weather and - factoid - the local Priest from St. SISTO - who refused to arrive/BLESS the PIACENZA CRICKET CLUB game on the grounds that it was a "violent" pastime, contrary to the Catholic Catechism: "BE AS MEEK AND GENTLE AS MUTTON", and (ahah!) on a damp Sunday afternoon? -was probably lying DRUNK in full Papal regalia on his "divan" being administered to by two lonely NUNS?..
...This is ENGLAND 'gainst PAKISTAN, folks! The Pakistanis are keen to VANQUISH the "white-boys/mostly Italian" ENGLISH fellas. They wanna do a "warm-up" thingy: CHARNEY (Pakistan) ferociously bowls PHARNEY (CAPTAIN of Pakistan) OUT-OUT-OUT! -with his first "over"! OOWWWSSSAATTT!!!
(First play, goddammit?) -Pakistani against Pakistani.
THIS WAS BIG MOJO;
my "England" team wasn't even involved?
-BATS were thrown? WICKETS became SPEARS! (forget the CORKY BALL? -Stealth frickin' Missile!?)... And did the (Italian) CARRIBINERI (cops with one bullet) ever show up to remonstrate this fracas? -NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
Later? I heard the "homeless chick" was in fact PARIS HILTON. She, and the stray dog, both went to jail and are now receiving post-traumatic-Cricket counselling.
3) OF MICE and MEN...
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"There was an old Woman from Swansea!..."
JESUS? (dude in heaven?) has been totally harassed for the last 200 years (Petition the Lord with Prayer?) from bureaucrats in MARGATE, BOULOGNE SUR MER and MONTE CARLO/Italian coastal towns too numerous to name including BRINDISI also feature in this "situ"; noticeably ABSENT were the cities of KOBLENZ (Germany), GRAZ (Austria) and DIJON (France) which are NOT coastal towns,; present Eco-system prevailing.
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"It ALWAYS rains in California".... Actually? It doesn't. I've lived there. And, "No-one's getting FAT 'cept MAMA CASS?" -Trust me. Mama Cass Eliot has the least of that problem; her fans, on the other hand, might just need to skip that next "power-lunch" in Brentwood, least ways, try to ensure the rest of the WORLD doesn't erect Public Signs saying: NO SMOKING ON THE BEACH whilst paving Paradise.
FAMOUS last words of Mice and Men? -"ARIZONA got PNEUMONIA!".. Ask ANYONE who was born there: THE NIGHT OFTHE IGUANA!, THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS!, THE DAY OF THE LOCUSTS!, and...what you see, in Arizona, actually, just SEEMS.
On a "happy note"? Some half naked kid, where YOU don't go, in a forest, jungle, frickin' island, outside of your scope? -She plucks a mango from a tree. Her teeth of brilliant white. Her skin is clean; far from a world of MICE AND MEN, a woman from Swansea
... and all our schemes...?
c 2014/davedelacroix/lord borgo/piacenza-Italia...:)
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