D & D Detective: " Camorra, senza... anti-pasta."

D & D Detective: ! " Camorra... senza... anti-pasta."


People think I'm PAZZO for recounting the cuisine/cucina/criminal cases of One "D & D", private Dick, from the "Missing Kids-Lost & Found -  Detective Agency"? And whilst I do confess to being - technically - brain damaged (Winter of 2015 I contracted and suffered severely from water-based Typhus) leaving me more or less no MORE brain damaged than the entire Human population, I shall, nevertheless, endeavour to prevail with my inherent DNA in-tow over which - as God Will's It? - we all have little or no pre-destined control. Serial killers, incidentally, say the same thing?  Anyhow, the CAMORRA and THEIR DNA is (Ahem! Again:) "in-herently" cannibalistic. Trust me. When the "heat"  is ON they usually throw a couple of their Soldiers to the Wolves, the Heat, a.k.a,  DA COPS, so as not to interrupt business... flogging Designer bags, pantyhose, computer software and  mostly any thing that comes off a boat  - Think Genoa or Hapoli? -  with a French  Haute Couture label; U get the picture? -Which is WHY Mafia-Camorra Soldiers YEARN to be made a CAPO/"Made Man". For the Camorra "cognoscenti",  it's literally a matter of Life...and sometimes, the "Big Asta la Vista!" Ask ANY Wise-guy, for chrissakes!? They are ALL Capos!
OK. "Omerta!" Or, "Umo-umo!" Frickin' silencio!


"D & D" (Remember him?), winning a free travel coupon, so DID...and with commendable futility, as Sicilians do NOT look kindly on ugly Americans with an over-sized penis thingy-whassit   chasing their Belladonna's , getting outrageously drunk, pissing on  Antique Greco-Roman paved streets, D & D was Carrabinieri escorted, hauled into the infamous Palermo drunk-tank which he had to share with the "Great UN-washed", all named "Luigi" (No Capos) and 100 "Stranieri" (African immigrants), recently washed up on Sicily's southern shores (No jokes, folks!) who, unlike the "Luigi" contingent... spoke perfect English!
"D & D"'s closest comrades? IN CARCE, Palermo's Alcatraz, Jumbi and Jango! One a Doctor, the other a Lawyer, ergo, he got a Free medical check-up by Jango, DOC Jango. and by Jumbi, advised of his Civil Right...in Senegal! Clearly, "D & D" was on  WINNER when Chief  Prison-Police CAPO had his ASS hauled out of the community jail-tank, given shower/fresh-est tooth brush and all the Palermo Prison "screws" (prison wardens) suddenly smiled and gave him "Carte Blanche"on their OWN scented/private toilet facilities, respectfully escorted him to the "Throne Room": Policio-Capitano, Luigi Zaza's" Sepulchre; in short, the Capo's lavishly furnished  office- with Renaissance paintings, ornate solid oak desk, bust of  Garibaldi... and sundry Palazzo knic-knacks? But, possibly, from one red carpet situ, - Sad-sap? -  D & D arrived at yet quite another!


"Mamma-mia!" -in-toned - quite dryly -  Super Cop, Head  Prison Warden, owner of the Garibaldi Legion Medal of Honor, etc.." U get Drunk, piss on our streets, insult the honor of our bella Senorini?" he sighed, "But we forgive you...To forgive is to accept you.  And we do? To Welcome U into our Family!"
(D&D, under-nourished, plus the "DT's" did not wisecrack)
 Zaza continued: "An International phone call with (I understand?) recently promoted LOO-Tennante  Rodriguez of ... Los Angeles Police Department... tell me you are, er...a Crimi-Magicano!...? Allure YOU solve-a Mio problemo, I solve-a your problemo? Liberta, Senor ! U and TWO other "Stranieri" are released? Capito, Senore D & D?"
After THREE stinking days and nights in the Palermo "Tank", D & D was positively responsive,despite an acute case of the "D-T's"/alcoholic shakes, and was all ears as Zaza outlined the facts of the case:

 "DID SENATOR Luigi KEE-LL  his wife, or wife then...keell Him-a? In  fit of remorse?, U think, or perche?...  The Senator AND  Wife, both morte! U must understand THESE are two important personages in Palermo. It is CRIMI!...We MUST have eet- solve-a!"

(FANTASY:)
D & D, his wits about him, trusted to his Society.Top-Drawer experience: "Pretty/bella House Maid?", he enquired innocently.
"Si?..." Zaza relucantly replied... "Bella Flaminia!"
"ARREST THE JEZZABEL!!!" -D & D.
"Jezabella?" -querried Zaza.
"SI! YES! Bella-whatsit!"
"But...alleri! Perche?  WHY? Bella-Flaminnia?"
"NO BRAINER, Capitano. ALL the "Stranieri/Boat People are in jail; I know. I just spent 3 days/nights with the suckers, so-obviously, it wasn't an OUTSIDE Assasin. Had to be an INSIDE job!!!




(REALITY)


D & D explained, but mostly "conjured" for his freedom:  "Bella-Flamminia was Senator Luigi's "Frick-doll; ya get it? She's a BABE, his wife is NOT And HE, the Senator, is loosing his TOUPEE/ran out of GLUE/jeesus-Christo/I'VE seen it a HUNDRED times/Your son's wife comes home with a friend/Wife swapping/incest/community shared condoms/don't tell me/I've seen it a thousand times? Maid walks in/NO CONDOM on the mantel next to tjhe photo of Bill Clinton...


 "NO BRAINER, Capitano!" -sez "D & D , "ALL the "Stranieri/Boat People" are in Jail. I just spent 3 days/nights with the suckers so, obviously, it wasn't some outside assassin; Had to be an Inside job?...!..."

Bella-Flammina" D & D explained, was the Senator's FRICK-DOLL. She, unfortunately, got pregnant, got serious and the REST is "Napoli-senza-anti pasta! OK: PALERMO Whatsit!! ?

-D & D would later chuckle at his immediate GRASP of the Italian lingue?) NAPOLI!?Capo Zaza, in exasperation "Napoli!?"
"Revenge!" affirmed D & D. "A VIRGINS honor!?"
"Vendetta?"
"NO vendetta, just one BIG strike! REVENGE!! INSALATA! A dish best serve COLD.
Gasping for breath, exhuding MAXIMUM garlic, CAPO Zaza BELCH: "Da wife?..."
"Innocent bystander." affirmed D & D Frickin' WITNESS to Murder. She HAD to go." -adding, "U should come to L.A.; happens every NANO-second!"
"Nano?"
"Every 5 frickinì minutes! ...And U might wanna give McDonald's on West Pico a "miss". If U don't get a "DRIVE-BY" U may end up with a Subway Pannini up your Ass!
("Confusion/Zaza)
"Don't be - confused?  Capo Zaza." said D & D, reading between Zaza's furrows. "ARREST Jezebel! Whats her frickin' name? ARREST Bella-Flammina!"

ORDERS were issued. Bella Flammina broke down after a "Mild Tuning" from 2 of Palermo's "finest" all wearing Napoleon Hats! (Who would'nt?

D & D, let footloose and "fancy free", elected to FREE only ONE of his chosen fellow Palermo-Drunk-tank, "Grunts!"- prison felons: Jango,the Doctor. (His Liver was playing up?)The Lawyer, from Senegal? -HE got "Pannini"!




c. davedelacroix/modica/Lot'sa VESPAS-No Mods...2016, Ides of March.