Popular Posts

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/"2018: Don't Kill the Messenger!"


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "2018: Don't Kill the Messenger!"

(dedicato: Groucho Marx)


1) Minestrone.

As any one got some SOUP, stuff U can make,, bits and bobs U can throw in the Pot, Creative? As Any one got some Soup, bits-sliced, diced, a figure of NICE, a smiling TOM (atoe) for your Heart, some place where Love starts? As ANYONE got some SOUP....to share?

2) Yellow Rose of Texas.

Dumb, DUNG-down, 8,000 miles from home, UN-washed, UN-loved, UN-deciphered, UN - and inexplicably some "Guitar-Man on the Road?", Interstate-10, all 'cross TEXAS on my way to California, $2.00 to my name?
In Fort Jackson. I was pretty hungry? Pretty thirsty? I bought a CUP of Coffee. It came with a glass of Water. A Texas Lady-Waitress, pinafore 'an all, late on - I guess? - in years,  in a Classic DINER (Bacon & Eggs/99 cents) yet sees my despair and, perhaps, some shared Karma, finds a reason to hover around my table:  "Would U  be offended  if I gave U some "Cup-Cakes" for the Road?"...

3) Wolf Pass.

The Night the Internet went "South" I lost my Key to that Texas Motel room, people were CONFUSED, didn't KNOW what to do (No E-Mail?) A Rachmaninoff!? Dogs barked? Coyotes smoked Peyote! Kids, too, equally confused? -the scent of Peyote? (Civil confusion?)
The Night the Internet DIED (went South) U were in the "shower", expecting E-Mail, I was "Gassin'" up the Pontiac? I remember it like it was yesterday; route 666, out of some place, some place Cortez, Colorado? It was OVER Wolf Pass, headin' North to Cheyenne, Wyoming, yet somehow you and I...never got that far?

4) "Who DAT Man?

Who dat Man, WHO!?
Who dat BOY, become a MAN? WHO!?
And who dat GAL, yes, GAL, the "Promise"
for "another"?
WHO dat Man, who dat GAL:
the Plan?

Who dat CRETIN, born to POWER,
Generic Greed, the Wretch-Inside,
greedy for POWER? Who dat Man;
self-evident IN shame?

Who dat Man? WHO!!! Born
to Peace, swirling? Who dat Man;
hugs & kisses....UN-disguised, yet
racked upon a Cross by his own kind?
Who dat Man?.........YOU!!!!!??????

5) Only the Moon...

Only the Moon, Arizona sky, walking alone, U and I; no money, no favor, just a Lady who holds my hand under the Moon, just under the Moon?
Only the Moon, which way U turn? Kissin' your Kiss, that LOVE that lay in your lips?...As Only the Moon, keeping your Love true? As true as the Moon; and as true as You?
Only the Moon, some Credit Cards, a promise of your bright Destiny in some Western sky? We abandoned each other under a Las Vegas sky?...



6)Sempre Palermo"

(Yo. Co-written with bella-Sorella Guisi Segreto... CAPITO, mi Italiano, Poco: No Lingua Vendetta, Amici!!!.)

"Sempre Palermo
sempre amore,
come vai?
Mi cuore, despar?
sempra ragazzi, mi caro?

VAI, domani, mia
vita per te?
Sempre Palermo
sempre Siciliano!

Via mi Cuore!
Via mi Notte,
avante canzone,
momento sipencio
sempre amore, per te,

Sempre Palermo
sempre amore,
sempre Sicilia,
come vai?
Mi cuore, despar?...
a Palermo, per te?
Come vai?
raggazi?


7)  No Orchids for Miss Blandish.

No Orchids for Miss Blandish,
kidnapped in some Captive love?
No Orchids for the Kidnapper
who burns in Hell: Go Forth!!!

And no Orchids for that harvest
and no fruit from that dead tree,
no kiss, no bliss, just a bitter harvest
UN-toward, in a Storm
No Orchids for Miss Blandish

(U are NOT alone...)



c2017/davedelacroix/LORD BORGO/Sciacca/Sicily/ARMED TO THE TEETH.....:)





Saturday, December 23, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "No FORESKIN!"...


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "No Foreskin."...


NASTRO AZZURO avanti Palermo (the Blue Stripe goes to Palermo?), avanti Bella? Avanti SORELLA; no capito? Avante (go forward), Belladonna? Sing mah song/canzone, Siciliano?
....3 Sisters broke my heart. It ALWAYS happens to ME in THREES (TRES); Turquoise, Ruby red, Aquamarine blue: Lanvin Number something? My LIPS, smeared, intoxicated; when U find my dead-loved body; you will find a grinning Fool? My Soul's Foreskin: RIPPED out of Me?

(Meanwhile?:) "Ich bin aus GELD in alto-BERLIN?...Ich bin AUS Money in JAPAN? (It's a Berlin Bar); Ich bin AUS Euroes in Kreuseberg in front of the OLD Berlin Wall? (Pissed and Sprayed my Invective on that Concrete!?)

Au'revoir mon coeur. Cheri? Au'revoir, no regrets? Au'revoir; no - codice - no foreskin - until we meet again? Au'revoir my Sweet, the lilacs; and that sweet golden haze on the meadow? -in the Bois du Bologne?

Whisky'll make a blind Man sing the Blues? U don't have to be blind and you don't have to be USED; U don't need to know where you are Going; but where you came from...can haunt your deliverance?

Nastro Azzuro avanti Palermo and that Gal by your side who knows the way so? The road to Palermo is wide? What WINDE gets you safe, gets you to the OTHER SIDE; this side of mental circumcision or the Cremation of your bones?


c2017/davedelacroix/LORD BORGO/our man in europe, last songs.





Thursday, December 21, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Where-In this World..."


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Where In this World..."


...Met Francesca, just met Giada, just met Illia, too? We goofed around, taking "Selfie's" on the beach and later, "apres h'ordeoaves, altogether, came around? All our Yesterdays, all our Tomorrows, in OUR collective Present, on a Vino, Beer, Whisky soaked "tavola"(wobbly table) our collective "Publicita" came to rest? -WE were ALL somehow "Broken" in the brittle-porcelain of sand, beach and sea? (Adjectives despair?)  And the UN-knowing superficially bound us into "Open Space"; that "Dingsta" we call a vacation?...And "Yakked" into the night, not necessarily connecting?
But NOT to despair, the morrow: Bikini City; "Girls just wanna have fun"? Bronze Rock Stars, like Piranha's, swarmed like Piranhas? Throw 'em a slice of Pizza, they'd - almost? - swim the other way? And the 3 Bikini Musketini, Vagina intacto,  probably wouldn't lament - as long as Mai Tai's  were paid for? - pliant, bent, sexual reflex: is there any other way; hard-wired, bonding: more "Mai-tai's? -could they WANT it any other way? That OTHER way; which Way?
Bikini Gal, Bronze STUD at her side? But does he have Credit Cards, a Cell-phone with MAX APPS; or for THAT matter, a Hotel Suite, a Classix Chevrolet; is he OLD MONEY, in Business,  or just some Gigolo bumming this Costa Rica beach?...And so (YO!)  SHOULD wonder a Mid-West gal?...

It's the twilight of Hotel "Happy Hour"; everyone - odd? - dressed in flannel-whites; my reservation, my "solo tavolo", crowded with these Gals who I grooved with the day before, disdainfully scrutinized, from a table-afar by those Bronze Athletes who distant, furtive, re-swallow the venom of their insidious design and plight?

Francesca burst out: "AM I MAKING SENSE!?"
The Crew, my Table, dissolve into laughter...?
Yet, it is STILL sobering, amongst this throng, that I alone know the answer?




c2017,davedelacroix,lord borgo, our man in europe.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "The Night."


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "The NIGHT."

(Afghanistan; British-Contract Mercenary: Cell-phone-intercept)

"FACK U! FACK U! We got dem TOWEL HEADS in the HOLE! BRING IN THE F.16's! U want this FACKIN shit DONE: Bring in the Artillery!? What are U waiting FOr?
(Later:) "FACK U! FACK U!. Tell yer BOYS; stay OUT of LINE 624: WE got it COVERED: REPEAT; NO COUSINS-634! Direct FIRE, 624! DO IT NOW!!! (Repeat) "DO IT NOW!...
(Later:) "FACK U! FACK U! COUSINS DISPERSE and HOLD GROUND: Repeat! COUSINS, GO HOME!!!"
(Later:) "FACK U! FACK U! Artillery, GROUND ZERO! DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!"
(Where the Fuck were the F-16's!?)....


c2017/davedelacroix/in Sicily....

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix// "The Day my Boyfriend was Lost?"



Our Man in Europe/dave Delacroix/ ""The Day My Boyfriend was Lost!?"


The day my Lad who was lost? I "perked" myself. There was "house-holding" to do, Grandma, incapacitated, Uncles grumblin' 'bout Government, market prices, bad weather, then there were Pies to bake, skillin, vegetables, some back laundry; Mrs Oxley expecting a Child; worries of Winter? The boys in Hathersage; hoping they 'com't thru with firewood? Some Christmas Pheasant too, for a splendid Christmas-tide?

The Day my Lad was lost, we were bound. Grew UP in Yorkshire, West Riding,  and the Derbyshire dales, played on, County Fair, with Daisies in my hair? O' MAN, that Boy knew the secrets of Caverns, Castleton and Blue Stone!?

The Day my Lad was Lost?....a crippled Solider, a Veteran. A Sergeant from the Glorious 82nd. Regiment of Foot?
In our local Inn: THE BLOODY WAR OF WATERLOO, fighting some "Frenchie", NAPOLEON: he gently suggested how "MY LAD" gallantly died?

The day my Lad died, the day my Lad was lost? And for WHAT? And O' I miss him? O' how I miss his Worldly soul?...



c2017/davedelacroix/lord borgo,sciacca,sicily

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "12345",,,

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "12345"...

(dedicato: Claudia Loens)

"SOOOO...ooo SAd, Officer Joake (It's Danish?) Soooo SA LAM, Padre? I have Sinned? I YO, I have SINNED? I didn't use BAR ILLA pasta? I ate something out of a TIN? PADRE! 10 "Ave Marias!" I "pretty much SIN....like Sinners do?.....BUSTED, busted; it goes with the Roman Territory, and MIO? An OUTLAW, always dependant on an IN-effectual JUSTICE SYSTEM, whilst mostly to the detriment of GOD? The Apostles (12 dudes with NO Credit Cards), John & Yoko, and Mary-whatsit? And ALL that "Carry-On", NO-longer allowed on Jet Planes?

SOOOO...oooo Sad; Officer JOAKE (It's a Danish name, like Bacon?) WOE to the vanquished who know NOT, except when their Kids can't get DENTAL treatment? In the SUMMER Sun, your Boy, wearing a bold Bandanas, sings out: "THIS WORLD IS MINE!?"

12345....Come boys & girls, we are NOT alone; somehow we can Divine? And for ALL our Sins and for ALL our mistakes and for all that's worthy UNDER HEAVEN;  less the Devil stake his stake?


c2017/dave delavroix/lord borgo/sciacca,sicily

our man in europe/dave delacroix/ "As anyone seen my Gal?"



O

ur Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "as anyone seen mah Gal?"

As ANYONE seen mah Gal (Sweet Carole), as anyone.....TOTALLY pissed OFF, riding mah "reputation" (bad as it is?) like a Used Napkin, off to Jerusalem, maybe MECCA, if SHE can get a "GIRL" ticket?": Kiss Mohammed: He was probably IRISH too?...SALAAM!?

As anyone SEEN mah Gal; plays Banjo in the Market place, tells Jokes in Marrakesh 'bout London town and kisses FRENCH BOYS"out of bounds"; THIS side of the Bois du Bologne?

How is it, in my Love, I do fail?

As ANYONE seen mah Paramour, that Gal I love, that I adore? As Anyone - WANTED POSTED: DEAD OR ALIVE! $$20,000!.....(Love IS Crazy!)....And yet; love, impetuosity, RAMS into your door? (Doobie-doo/smoker-roo)

AS ANYONE SEEN MAH GAL!?


c2017,dadee.lord borgo,leave me alone

Monday, December 18, 2017

D & D : In Vino Veritas!

"D&D" -In Vino Veritas...

The Blamange/Switch-blade killer (outt'a Connecticut) was running amok in Europe giving Classic "Ugly Americans", for once, a bad rap.
INTERPOL: -Disturbed
M.I.5: - Concerned."
SECRET" USA financed German POLIZIE - in Wunderland; mostly, over the Blamange.
Don't as me why/how? -but the Odd Couple, Detective Sergeant GREENSLEEVES with "Public Over-seer er" Private DICK, D & D were lassoed with matching Matt black wheelie-bag suitcases, round trip tickets, one week/bought and paid for at some Montmartre "Hotel L'Excuse", crap exchange US dollar rate-per diem, a BRIEF, briefing: pat on the back: "One of our serious rogues is pissing off the COUSINS. He's WANTED dead or alive. This is TEXAS Hold'em, D&D; ya follA!?"

D & D No. 3: "SANTA ANNA'S!"


D & D, No. 3: "Santa Anna's!"


It was late. Full moon. October.  The Santa Anna's (L.A.'s seasonal winds, often quite violent) were vacuuming the smog-filled, L.A. basin...  Downtown L.A. - always deserted at weekends - was, commercially inverted, The great American future. Not a Billy-Morrison Talent Agent in sight  and Hollywood-desolate; Hope Street, L.A.,  Union Station? "Nuttin' doin'!", Taxis had pissed off long ago. Any "Charrilo" with half a brain had nailed tent pegs to his San Fernando bungalow and whilst Pan-handlers switched off their cell-phones, South-Central closed down and ordered "Chinese Take-Out!", CRACK?  GIT SUM!!! And Pacific coastal SURF -in reverse;  Aging Cheerleaders reverted to Pyjama Parties and "Bone-heads" went to visit their Moms, waxed their Long-Boards: Prime time for murder MOST FOUL. Ask anyone?... Anyone in L.A.

"D&D" actually witnessed the shit coming down? Some windswept HELI-TV-VAGINA news bitch, on her flight home from her last - L.A. Freeway car chase assignment -and BORED TO TEARS, caught cross-wind, and accidentally , HELI-TV cameras, ZEROED, fire-power-catching the moment? Even the suited Vagina got visually suspicious? "..Bank robbery!?... Do People still do that?"
(Slugging on her flask of Vodka:): "We got sumptin' 'appen'n' ere!? - Suzi Suzuki, reportin'!"

FACT: Three, or possibly four "perps" (bank job) crashed (interstate 101), chased aggressively by LAPD black & whites, flipped the highway boundaries, dumped the "getaway" (a Toyota) and "fan tailed" into (the district) CANOGA PARK, once an orchard-forest domain where Hollywood/Errol Flynn starring, enacted Calvary charges but now in-fest ed with cut price apartment blocks and residential swimming pools.

Little known to most "Angele nos" but NOT to "D&D", , Canago park his home to the best Indian/Pakistani wholesale food outlets. At least ONE of the "perps" was clearly from the East. (Heli-TV footage?)
"D&D" had him identified, ARRESTED whilst hiding in a warehouse,  twixt sacks of of Lentils, sacks of Dahl and Basmati Rice, trying - and obviously guilty - , trying to commit suicide, GORGING on mouthfuls of Chilli-Madras from CANS!!! Murder most foul! Bloody suicide. And the wild wind blew.





"D&D", on the ball, jumped into his FORD MUSTANG.

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Gods Left Paw."

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "GOD-s left Paw."

(dedicato: Carol Aniellio, Miss Molly, & Irma Zanetti: Poets 3)


......The Love of Strangers, the love of FRIENDS, except ON, on Weekends? That new Girlfriend; she's gone? THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY?....She's gone? SISTER: that TOY-BOY gon' out with/into his background Joys that CAME to stay: excluding? WHOA!? JEHOVAH!! In HIS (U-God-Kids?)  CRAZY MIND; would "PITCH-Past-PITCH-Grief-LOVE: this Destiny? Just WHO arrives with ROSES, less acclaimed: than  those with "Profound!?"....
(COPS get nervous: "Bust ANYONE whose name sounds like PROVI!!!")...And the Boyfriend's just the same?....Complex. See?

Love amongst Strangers, east to whatsit, west to dingy, sons and daughters, fathers and sons, generations, beaten into subservience in broad daylight?

(Singing: "Oh Happy Day?") And the DOOM of the WORLD plummets/up-rises on a pinnacle, on a DIME, on a moral will-of-the-wisp "particle", that UN-in-decipherable: ...A Human Dynamic: Frank Sinatra Recording: "Strangers in the Night?" GOD's LEFT PAW;  Before the big MEOW WW!....

God's Left Paw.
God's Left Paw.
Talons stretching...



c2017,davedelacroix,lord borgo,sciacca,sicily.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "BACK IN PALERMO!"


Our Man in Europe/dae delacroix/ "Back in Palermo."


(dedicato: Antonio Segreto)


Pioggi arrivi, il Nipote SCAMPA: bella -bambini? When it RAINS the kids go hunting Escargot?When U die they KNOW  to pick wild flowers for your grave?And Cavalieri Rustica, in all their finery, come and go? That Siciliano thing? That love?
Estate arrive; long Summers days; hot nights upon the beaches and shores? Sirocco kiss with its leaden veil? Pioggia arrive; pioggia arrivee:?
How can I sing my IL Siciliano Canzone; how can I make a Change? My heart is in Agrigento, my Love, in Syracusa, my Soul on Mount Etna! Cross-ways, CROSS-ROADS, all roads lead to Roma!?
Back in Palermo, Il Bambini (City Kids!) go hunting? The Bugs on the rocks; sell them, like LIRE,  for peanuts, like that kiss  from the Fisherman, that Eternity: and when he is no more: herald Life's divinity? It takes a Stranger....in a strange Land....to make that Land a Friend?...Meanwhile? Back in Palermo: the beat goes ON!....yet still, them damned noisy, raunchy Bambini will GO, without prompting, and pick wild flowers for my grave?


c2017/davedelacroix/Sciacca, Sicily...:)


Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Santa Monica Highway-Picante BLUES!"



Our Man in Europe/daVE DELACROIX// "Santa Monica Highway-/Picante Blues."



IF U DIDN'T want REAL SNOW, in New York City,  we just paid MORE money, if U didn't want Santa Monica  SUNSHINE,  we wore Shades? If U didn't want TRUE LOVE,  U you  just masturbated, kiss and tell?  If U didn't want PEACE on Earth? U staged "Apathetic"; any City, any Main Street: AS for want of Justice? U run-baby-run!?

If U couldn't "dig" "Welcome", U built a Fortress; if U didn't want Friendship, get the hell off FACEBOOK; if U wanted GOD like that ICON that rests in the EGO of your Mind, you get to Run-baby-run?

If U want a FACE, I can paint it? If U want a RACE, I can RUN IT! If U want a Place? I will be there for U: Fuck off, die Young; Buddy of mine ...or Gal who I love? (Some semblance thinking?) Did YOU pay my Bar-Tab after I paid Yours?

If we didn't want Real Snow; flakes, hoop-la-City? Just more MONEY to throw at the Waiters? Too much Sunshine, too much Moonshine? Heart's broken? Hearts? Be-spoken? Tuxedo Junction!...The moment of You....And the REAL SNOW, the "real" New York City Winters' blow? or WEST COAST: Santa ANNAS; billow your sails!?  HURRAH!!!."WHO!? If I cried OUT, in the order of Angels; would hear ME or YOU?...if we cried out?"....


c2017/davedelacroix/sciacca/sicily





c2017/dAVE delacroix/Voice of White Boy Soul.....:)

Monday, December 11, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Maggie-May."



Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ Maggie-May."


(dedicato: IAN RANKIN)


O'... Who left me with OL' Maggie May, packed and clearly bagged! Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low; Rod Stewart, where's ya trousers!Our Man in Europe//dave delacroix?....


"...WHEN THE WIND goes height, when the wind goes low; Johnny don't lose ya trousers!? When the wind goes HEIGHT, when the wind goes LOW; Maggie, U in trouble!
Your Pappy there with a Shot-gun stare: my business takes me Everywhere?.... When the wind goes high, when the wind KILT low; Donald where your WHASSIT?

Now ONCE I loved sweet Maggie-May; she fell for just ANOTHER... blackguard Rod Stewart was his name, if ever YOU had sawn one! A scurvy knave; no Sporran to speak of; and as for his own SKEAN DHU? S'well! Let's not get into details?

SO...I sing my Highland Ceiili song, bagpipes, fife and drum! I wear my KILT and TARTAN pride, bonnie Sporran with some Gold inside... and dance the Sword or the Highland Fling; "Johnny where's ya Troosers!?"

And whilst NO-ONE thinks of the INFAMY, cursed upon SCOTLAND BRAVE, after "Culloden", starved and raped; starved Johnny and Bonnie Prince Charlie commin' home?

When the wind goes HEIGHT, when the wind goes low; Highland girls will reap the song? And who's to say how Justice goes excepting IN A SONG:

"WE JACOBITE'S BY NAME
lend an ear, lend an ear:
We Jacobite's by name.....lend an ear?...."?

Now once I love a Highland girl; my Maggie-May,  in the heather, in the Glens, by the lochs and over the hills, which to this day, still thrills?....



c2017,davedelacroix.,sicily,far, far away.




ù
ù

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Black Widow Mambo."


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Black Widow Mambo!"...


PITCH-PAST-pitch of Grief..., no excuses, No BE-musing; pitch-past, pitch PAST pitch of grief: NO Yesterday? KILL ME in your ARMS, Black Widow's charms: SUCCULENT?
Yogurt:  2 Euros.
Milk/Latte: 1.25
DRANO: 3.34
Can of TOMS (Tomatoes) 0.85?
SHE ATE ME UP like a Grocery list!? And pitch-past PITCH of  GRIEF; and, as yet,  all the Poets in History cannot save me?
Pitch-past Pitch of Grief: She like to Mambo! Pitch-past Pitch of Grief? She like to SAMBA! Pitch-past pitch of Grief: Black Widow-Mambo....and MAMBO!


c2017/davedelacroix/sciacca,sicily,December.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Our Man IN Europe/dave delacroix/ "BREXIT SONG: Tipperary!"



Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "BREXIT SONG: Tipperary!"...

(dedicato: Dave Wood....Yorkshire man)

It-s a LONG way to Tipperary
it-s a long way to GO?
it's a long way TO BREXIT
Au revoir, Michele ma belle?
Goodbye Piccadilly
and SO long Dublin town?
Aus weidersen, mein Lieblings;
but MY heart's not there?

It's a long way to Tipperary
it's a lonesome way to GO?
Arriverderci mia ROMA,
Vaya con Dios:
Amigoes!?
Hurrah! Hurrah! Vino Verde?
Farewell Lisbon town?
It's a LONG ol' road to Tipperary;
yet MY heart's not there!?

(All together now! All together now!)


c2017,dave delacroix,sciacca,sicily,italy,in europe....:)

Friday, December 8, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Girlfriends, Guitars & Hats!"



Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Girlfriends, Guitars & Hats!"


(dedicato: Jason Eklund: USA Poet/singer-songwriter)


...Never learnt to drive a Cadillac,
steer a luxury Cabin Cruiser or fly a Private Plane?
Sittin' in the driver's seat of ANY of the above;
U ask mah name/I always got ID'ed!?...
Which is just WHY - some Whisky by my side? -
I don't drive on this side of Paradise?

LIKE YOU I gotta small CRIB, a small kitchen,
a bar-fire radiator keepin' out the cold?
Some changes of clothes; I wash,
I manage to get dry in the sunlight before the chill of the night?
I got a full BAR, tucked away,
that Bar your own LIVER never gets to share,
and some heart breaker in the  town, but next;
gas up the Chevy: go hug or go to  stare?

And LIKE YOU, or maybe NOT,
I got that SPAGHETTI of business I gotta consume,
gulp, shovel down; pays the rent, pays the light,
pays the Nothingness; until my Guitar sings?
(Hashish kickin' IN)

Girlfriends, Guitars & ol' Stetson Hats
...all LOST & FOUND, somehow?
I never learnt to drive a Cadillac,
steer a luxury Cabin Cruiser, nor fly a Private Plane?
SITTIN' in my OWN driver's seat;
some COP would ask mah name?
Which is why - some GANGES on mah Dash,
MY BROW: I don't drive;
not caring, anyhow?
(Hashish REALLY kickin IN)

Never learnt to drive...(what was it?) a PONTIAC,
row a BOAT or DE-plane a Jet-Plane?
I promoted myself to COLONEL,
told all the Subordinates to GO
and clean their Rooms/barracks (I think?)
which is WHEN I picked up mah Guitar
and sang that lonesome ol' song?
-"Girlfriends, Guitars & Hats" -I miss U once again?....


c2017/dave delacroix/ourmanineurope

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "SHE SEZ!"


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "SHE Sez!"


(dedicato: Suzie Home-Wrecker/space cadet in Denver)


....SHE SEZ; I've been Saluting, my ca hooting, like a GIRL, for such a long time now? I've BEEN a somnambulist, giving kisses, dead love, big "HI!"....?
I've been SMOOCHIN', coming,groovin'?....
I've been saying what I'm doin'; doin' NOTHING at all? I've been WISHING, counter-pointing? But all for Nothing at all? (U wanna know?) HO-Ho-HO!!!?...I've SEEN every thing and Nothin', ALL & ALL U see, I've been ASKING what it's meant to BE!?...Some Rock Star ENVISION?
(And SHE Sez:) I've been LIVING, like U, ca hooting, like a GIRL; like a Girl should be? Like a Girl should Be? Like a Girl should Be? In Utero!!!... (Little town near Rome).


c2017/davedelacroix/for mah punk rock rock n roll sistas: our man in europe.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ D-TECT (D & D FILES): "Ramen da Noodle!"

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix esq./dd-tective files: "Ramen da Noodle."



Police Report:  (I'm an over-worked COP. Phones are frickin', Sgt Delgardo brought me the wrong Burrioto/if U don't like my report? -put me back on HOPE-central, Los Angeles  Bag Patrol.
I don't give a frick. Just, next time? -bring me da right Burrioto!)

...("Ramen da Noodle.")

"Oh yeah: "Ramen da Noodle". 12 VICS. All in same 3 storey excuse/ SANTA-MONICA appartment building.. hadn't been power washed since 1963. Occupants? Mostly itinerants - Actors - all MURDERED whilst on "Welfare", killed by one Manuel Ramen Esq., originally from OXAICA (It's in Mexico/ Writer L.S.LOWRY, deceased, once visited/wrote: Under da Volcano; we think its near a beach?)
CLUSTER-SGT Ramairez - fixed "Smoker" boxing LOSER/just bought pretty new CROWN VIC, was assigned the mass-murder investigation. He found it complex...and turned it over to "PRIVY-D-DECT/Lost & Found/Missing Milk Cartons & KIDS -Detective Agency...one Mr "D & D."

Police Report: "Are ya - "Belch!" - wiv me so far?"

Look thru any window? From a mansion to a shack? A shack of despair, sparsely decorated with lonesome Icons, a Rosary, a crucifix in da window? Or a mansion, landscaped, luxiourious, yet bereft of emotion, of Love? SANTA MONICA dwellings canvas both.
At the HAPPY DUMPLING appartment block - obviously once owned by Chinese immigrants before the Armenian, Jewish, or Chinese Mafia invited them to "move along",private DICK (D & D) - by invitation of LAPD Cluster Sgt. Dude Ramairez -  made all things clear. And despite an aversion to mixed cuisine cases - Chinese food-Salsa PERP, spelt it out. And afterwards? There were no fortune cookies.

The "Case Autopsy", held down at the CHIPS (California Highway Patrol) sweat-box/interrogation lounge, lavishly furnised, lent to one frigid metalic table and 3 matching chairs, one wall adorned with a 2-way, partially cracked, blood smeared mirror; all that seperated a MOSH PIT of cops wanting BLOOD  from Cluster Sgt. Rameirez & D & D and the PERP: "Ramon da Noodle" who, throughout, kept silent dur a previous CHIPS interrogation. And the following? It's NOT on tape. The tape machine was out on loan. Lt. O'Reilly's kids' BAR MITZVAH...but the conversation went something like this:

D&D: "...Heard U went up against Cluster Sgt. Janandez  at da last "Smoker"
C-S-Ramairez: "Dude! U KNOW I can't disclose OFFICIAL Police biz. You're here as a CONSULTANT-FRICK. Cut to da frickin'  straight Tamale!"
D & D chuckled. He hadn't HAD - or seen - a "straight TAMALE in 30 years, maybe longer? Still. On point? He obliged Ramairez da CLUSTER and the sweaty hordes, opt side 2-way mirror:

"...For what it's worth... I'll punt the following synopsis. SYNOPSIS -withan "S"

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/dave delacroix/ (D & D Detective:) "Won-Ton--IDIOT!"


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ (D & D -Detective:) "Won-Ton-IDIOT!"


(Case file: 007.5:) ....THIS Clown robbed a (L.A.) Pacific-Palisades Bank of America - in broad daylight - with a Butcher's carving knife still in its 99 cent discount store thick plastic wrap! But he DID have a commanding voice: "I am HANNIBAL CLEVER and Y'all are breakfast if U don't hand over DA MONI!!!", adding, "Maybe later, I invite U to lunch!"

ALL Bank-tellers  are strictly trained to corroborate/collaborate in such events but in THIS instance they, plus ALL the bank's customers broke out in paroxysms of laughter! (Guffaws?) And one customer in particular pulled out his Smart-phone ear-phones and shared (audio) a song he was toying with re-writing for a David Geffen movie production: "Lay dat Pistol down, Ma! Lay dat Pistol down! U pistol-packin' Mama! Lay dat pistol down!"
(Much-laughter...) Then "DA CLEVER" honored his honorific! The carnage was UN-speakable! He butchered the Smart-phone/audio/smart Ass; kicked him SOLIDLY in the BALLS; terrified bank-tellers swiftly handed over MEGA money bag which prematurely exploded in RED DYE and all and sundry got a dose! Meantime, "ZE CLEVER" then adorned his UNI-BOMBER Ski-mask as an after-thought - for latent disguise purposes and, as he he still had some Non-red-dyed money to burn, indulged everyone in the bank to join him for lunch at the HOUSE OF LEE next door!

Cops "in Bags" eventually arrived, sealed off the bank; "D & D" (Private D-Tect/Lost kids and Found Detective Agency) actually in-tow on quite another case (Spaghetti Factory Hoop-La!) scoped the gig, the Smart phone Vic getting his testicles iced by Pacific-P. Fire Department, money gone, got "peckish, "tutti" bored! Opted to buzz next door. FAB FOOD. House of Lee. Entered. Discounted Halloween. (all customers were splashed in red dye paint!...Except one?) -TOOK DOWN HANNIBAL C. before the General Tso Chicken made the table!

The rest? -Bird's nest Soup!...:)


c 2015/november'/modica/Sicily.

D & D Detective: " Camorra, senza... anti-pasta."


D & D Detective: ! " Camorra... senza... anti-pasta."


People think I'm PAZZO for recounting the cuisine/cucina/criminal cases of One "D & D", private Dick, from the "Missing Kids-Lost & Found -  Detective Agency"? And whilst I do confess to being - technically - brain damaged (Winter of 2015 I contracted and suffered severely from water-based Typhus) leaving me more or less no MORE brain damaged than the entire Human population, I shall, nevertheless, endeavour to prevail with my inherent DNA in-tow over which - as God Will's It? - we all have little or no pre-destined control. Serial killers, incidentally, say the same thing?  Anyhow, the CAMORRA and THEIR DNA is (Ahem! Again:) "in-herently" cannibalistic. Trust me. When the "heat"  is ON they usually throw a couple of their Soldiers to the Wolves, the Heat, a.k.a,  DA COPS, so as not to interrupt business... flogging Designer bags, pantyhose, computer software and  mostly any thing that comes off a boat  - Think Genoa or Hapoli? -  with a French  Haute Couture label; U get the picture? -Which is WHY Mafia-Camorra Soldiers YEARN to be made a CAPO/"Made Man". For the Camorra "cognoscenti",  it's literally a matter of Life...and sometimes, the "Big Asta la Vista!" Ask ANY Wise-guy, for chrissakes!? They are ALL Capos!
OK. "Omerta!" Or, "Umo-umo!" Frickin' silencio!


"D & D" (Remember him?), winning a free travel coupon, so DID...and with commendable futility, as Sicilians do NOT look kindly on ugly Americans with an over-sized penis thingy-whassit   chasing their Belladonna's , getting outrageously drunk, pissing on  Antique Greco-Roman paved streets, D & D was Carrabinieri escorted, hauled into the infamous Palermo drunk-tank which he had to share with the "Great UN-washed", all named "Luigi" (No Capos) and 100 "Stranieri" (African immigrants), recently washed up on Sicily's southern shores (No jokes, folks!) who, unlike the "Luigi" contingent... spoke perfect English!
"D & D"'s closest comrades? IN CARCE, Palermo's Alcatraz, Jumbi and Jango! One a Doctor, the other a Lawyer, ergo, he got a Free medical check-up by Jango, DOC Jango. and by Jumbi, advised of his Civil Right...in Senegal! Clearly, "D & D" was on  WINNER when Chief  Prison-Police CAPO had his ASS hauled out of the community jail-tank, given shower/fresh-est tooth brush and all the Palermo Prison "screws" (prison wardens) suddenly smiled and gave him "Carte Blanche"on their OWN scented/private toilet facilities, respectfully escorted him to the "Throne Room": Policio-Capitano, Luigi Zaza's" Sepulchre; in short, the Capo's lavishly furnished  office- with Renaissance paintings, ornate solid oak desk, bust of  Garibaldi... and sundry Palazzo knic-knacks? But, possibly, from one red carpet situ, - Sad-sap? -  D & D arrived at yet quite another!


"Mamma-mia!" -in-toned - quite dryly -  Super Cop, Head  Prison Warden, owner of the Garibaldi Legion Medal of Honor, etc.." U get Drunk, piss on our streets, insult the honor of our bella Senorini?" he sighed, "But we forgive you...To forgive is to accept you.  And we do? To Welcome U into our Family!"
(D&D, under-nourished, plus the "DT's" did not wisecrack)
 Zaza continued: "An International phone call with (I understand?) recently promoted LOO-Tennante  Rodriguez of ... Los Angeles Police Department... tell me you are, er...a Crimi-Magicano!...? Allure YOU solve-a Mio problemo, I solve-a your problemo? Liberta, Senor ! U and TWO other "Stranieri" are released? Capito, Senore D & D?"
After THREE stinking days and nights in the Palermo "Tank", D & D was positively responsive,despite an acute case of the "D-T's"/alcoholic shakes, and was all ears as Zaza outlined the facts of the case:

 "DID SENATOR Luigi KEE-LL  his wife, or wife then...keell Him-a? In  fit of remorse?, U think, or perche?...  The Senator AND  Wife, both morte! U must understand THESE are two important personages in Palermo. It is CRIMI!...We MUST have eet- solve-a!"

(FANTASY:)
D & D, his wits about him, trusted to his Society.Top-Drawer experience: "Pretty/bella House Maid?", he enquired innocently.
"Si?..." Zaza relucantly replied... "Bella Flaminia!"
"ARREST THE JEZZABEL!!!" -D & D.
"Jezabella?" -querried Zaza.
"SI! YES! Bella-whatsit!"
"But...alleri! Perche?  WHY? Bella-Flaminnia?"
"NO BRAINER, Capitano. ALL the "Stranieri/Boat People are in jail; I know. I just spent 3 days/nights with the suckers, so-obviously, it wasn't an OUTSIDE Assasin. Had to be an INSIDE job!!!




(REALITY)


D & D explained, but mostly "conjured" for his freedom:  "Bella-Flamminia was Senator Luigi's "Frick-doll; ya get it? She's a BABE, his wife is NOT And HE, the Senator, is loosing his TOUPEE/ran out of GLUE/jeesus-Christo/I'VE seen it a HUNDRED times/Your son's wife comes home with a friend/Wife swapping/incest/community shared condoms/don't tell me/I've seen it a thousand times? Maid walks in/NO CONDOM on the mantel next to tjhe photo of Bill Clinton...


 "NO BRAINER, Capitano!" -sez "D & D , "ALL the "Stranieri/Boat People" are in Jail. I just spent 3 days/nights with the suckers so, obviously, it wasn't some outside assassin; Had to be an Inside job?...!..."

Bella-Flammina" D & D explained, was the Senator's FRICK-DOLL. She, unfortunately, got pregnant, got serious and the REST is "Napoli-senza-anti pasta! OK: PALERMO Whatsit!! ?

-D & D would later chuckle at his immediate GRASP of the Italian lingue?) NAPOLI!?Capo Zaza, in exasperation "Napoli!?"
"Revenge!" affirmed D & D. "A VIRGINS honor!?"
"Vendetta?"
"NO vendetta, just one BIG strike! REVENGE!! INSALATA! A dish best serve COLD.
Gasping for breath, exhuding MAXIMUM garlic, CAPO Zaza BELCH: "Da wife?..."
"Innocent bystander." affirmed D & D Frickin' WITNESS to Murder. She HAD to go." -adding, "U should come to L.A.; happens every NANO-second!"
"Nano?"
"Every 5 frickinì minutes! ...And U might wanna give McDonald's on West Pico a "miss". If U don't get a "DRIVE-BY" U may end up with a Subway Pannini up your Ass!
("Confusion/Zaza)
"Don't be - confused?  Capo Zaza." said D & D, reading between Zaza's furrows. "ARREST Jezebel! Whats her frickin' name? ARREST Bella-Flammina!"

ORDERS were issued. Bella Flammina broke down after a "Mild Tuning" from 2 of Palermo's "finest" all wearing Napoleon Hats! (Who would'nt?

D & D, let footloose and "fancy free", elected to FREE only ONE of his chosen fellow Palermo-Drunk-tank, "Grunts!"- prison felons: Jango,the Doctor. (His Liver was playing up?)The Lawyer, from Senegal? -HE got "Pannini"!




c. davedelacroix/modica/Lot'sa VESPAS-No Mods...2016, Ides of March.






Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ D & D Detec: "BIG ON BURRITOES!"


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/....(Scritori dude)


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/MENU for MURDER/D & D: "Big on Burritoes!"



.......He killed her with SOUP! Bad Minestrone della -the Mandrake, the Deadly Nightshade; it all added up. Even D & D -distracted from chasing up lost kid Ahmed, avowed Anti-Infidel anti-semetic (Star of David section).  semetic HIMSELF  and had probably - on his Pappy's purloined bank deposit card -buzzed off to Beirut where the light/horror there would probably ZAP his LITES back to Milwaulkie;

 ...So D & D, on his "Missing Kids' Retrievable Agency" gave AHMED an A-plus? Anyhow, back to the Soup, the Minestrone Situ: ...A SAD SAP appartment, North of Sunset Boulevard...and no-one had paid the electric bill in weeks so the COPS and Cop Techies installed tax-payer-financed Kleig lighting which made the poisonous Soup, the Minestrone  (this is ALL about Soup?) on the gas stove look twice as inviting but also PISSED OFF the North of Sunset Boulevard NEIGHBORS who, trying to get some sleep and ordinarily accustomed to a convenient, day-time Hollywood filming "Shoot": were MUCHO PISSED!
 But not THIS time. Just Soup, apparently. (Minestrone) . No exposure on an ill-lit side street: No opportunity for Cameoes for "Wannabees!" But WORD got out/SPREAD like an Oklahoma brushfire with Herpes: Movie Agents (Star of David Section) blocked All calls! -Which would  put D & D righteously on the Gentile scent? The VIC was a  True Blood Hollyhocks: "DID Rolando-Ziggy-Erskine the THIRD; Talent Humbug -with an ambitious Starlet WIFE; "Did he have a Prosphetic, OR phophetic LEG, not Wooden, not Plastic, can it be EXPLAINED, Horatio?"

Invited to the 3 day old case D & D was in fact allergic to Minestrone laced with Peanuts! (Poor Man's Mandrake.) Obviously, Rolando too. (The Vic?)
North Hollyhocks Police Fortress, (THE RAMPARTS)  incidentally, has a reputation. Most DE-tects think of their actual Police vocation as a back door to Hollyhocks-Movies-Fame!...Minestrone?
"Fricker's DEAD. Looks like Suicide...with a saucepan!"
...But Minestrone WITHOUT a splash of Olive Oil, no sprinkles of Oregano, no Pepper-Nero? Not even a sprig of bowl parsley; forget the peanuts! "JUST where does his Nemisis partake in such Culinary concepts? And just where does the Bitch - his sobbing WIFE  - presently in Widows' "Weeds" chow on down? TACO BELL? Night and day!? BIG, is she, on Burritoes?...

The scene was set. Commiserating DE-tects addressing the weeping Widow, "Take it easy... This shit happens in L.A. every Wednesday...Have some soup..." and D & D chorused, quietly...to the "weeping willow".

"JEEZE! HE'S ALIVE!!!" -Screams D & D.
"Oh, Honey!" -Widow. "I didn't MEAN to Wack U!? U KNOW I love ya!!!???"
(Which amounted to a confession)

MOTIVE?

 THE COPS finally guessed. It was as plain as day. Without KLEIG LIGHTS a blind Man, and to D & D, the "Olde Pyramid Scheme" of  HOLLYWOOD Hope & Loyalty: ONLY YOLANDO, initially: going to advance his Spider's spouse's Career, enjoyed her divine ASS a little too much. Advance her career? No way-JOSE!  Lose her ASS. KEEP her on a string...and, finally, it dawned on the the "WIDOW"?... Turns out they were NOT "technically" Married? YOLANDO enrollerd a bunch of cynical movie "EXTRAS"  to en-act "Poo-tay"! Cinamon & Lace: She was hooked! And TWO whole years of her valuable Starlet-Youth: BETRAYED!!!...in the Great Hollyhocks Pyramid Scheme/otherwise known as "Isreali  Occupied Terroritory"... And WHY are these Semites SOOOOO tribal and incidiously incesst-ual!? No Health Insurance?... For an extra ten Dimes...
YO!...I loosely quote Persian Poet HAFIZ: .".Don't think about your foreskin?...Never mess with a Tiger's Cubs?...And never-EVER mess with a Woman's Illusions!..."
THIS Woman saw the light!...

Whilst the COPS wetre busy guessing, "RUDY DA NOODLE", recently Arrested for several Domestic-Poisoning, confessed to the murder of the Lindenberg Baby Kidnapping, the "Grassy Knoll" -thingy, sinking of the Titanic (witjh a self constructed TOPEDO) and yet further confessed to quitting the Hollyhocks/Glendale Community Homosexual Theatre to go back to YAWNSVILLE, Minnesota, maybe later, to gravitate towards the Big Apple (NYC), Broadway: The Faggot-Kibbutz!?

So LIKE Pontius Pilote, Administer of Tiberian Rome, D & D washed his hands - to be haunted by his judgement - and passed on the Minestrone, later, to graze on a super-picante Chicken Burrito/green Salsa!

...Back in his CRIB...D & D wondered how Anti Semetic kid - the Muslim branch?- how Ahmed , a Semite - was handling...War torn Beirut?... And hoping - with great heart -  the kid would somehow come out alive...?



c 2015/dave delacroix/...D & D DE-tect-




D & D -Detective: "The GORGONZOLA MAN."


D & D Detect: "The Gorgonzola Man."


NEVER KISS a man/woman with Facial Herpes... Usually en-crusted in the crevices of their mouths?... Discreet, re-mote Colonies strewn around the planet play host to these UN-thinking/frivolous scarred folks. Bloody ISLANDS of them! Some, Pacific: BIKINI ATOLL. Some, decidely frigid: ANTHRAX Island, Scotland. Every day a ferry arrives, off-loads its Cold Sore sufferers... Old Island Hands, faces blackened by disease, check-off the new arrivals: "Stilton! La Gruyere! Gorgonzola! Sage Derby, gone to seed! WHOA!!! ROQUEFORT MAN!"

D & D had read about these Gastronomic Exiles in some Periodical, probably edited by Food-Czar, Tony "Anthony" Boudain who, except  from a short bout of "Blue Squid Rash", had largely escaped most negatives of the "Holy Cucina."

The GORGONZOLA MAN? -Anyone who has ever accepted a FREE Cheese Cookie on the Santa Monica cliff-side board-walk, need not read further, excepting to say, this particular SERIAL KILLER had a lot in common with Sweeney Todd.
Sweeney T. Barber/Frieseur-dude, who cropped clients heads a might too close, took their heads completely off then made MEAT PIES with the bodies  in his Fleet Street, London basement to an in-delicate profit?

The GORGONZOLA MAN? That Cheese Salad buffet he rented on Santa Monica's 3rd. St. promenade, thankfully,  became Swiss Cheese once D & D scented the Bad Brie!

ZOOT ALLORS (for that was his Punk Rocker "handle" before he was DE-frock ed for playing Rhythm & Blues) was POISONING his fellow Musical-Anarchists of yest-er-year.
Problem WAS, D & D couldn't prove it. No-one could. -For every LETHAL "pannini", the son-of-a-bitch foisted half a dozen  O.K. stale SUBS (Heroes/long sandwiches)....!

"Breaking & Entering" (Burglary) wasn't at ALL D & D's style, but in cahoots with "Lilly-White", CARL BLAKE (Central L.A. Detective and Papa of MISTY, a Zoot Allors Victim), D & D rapidly surveyed ZOOT'S kitchen-Culinary-additives, guessed correctly, and saw to it that Zoot would be hung by his own petard, adding Zoot's elixir to Zoot's own laid out breakfast platter. ERGO! A week later? A GARGOYLE felon, barely distinguishable from the "Creature from the Black Lagoon" with Blue speckles/veins, ranking like a burnt-down Parmesan Cheese factory during mating season), ZOOT took  Merchant ship from San Pedro harbour (Port of Los Angeles) to exile and hell; possibly, no worse off than  - if busted? - 25 to life in CHINO?

And so it goes. Pass the frickin' cheese!...






D & D -DETECTIVE: "NO discount for MURDER!"



D &D -Detective: "NO discount for Murder..."


 ....No-one knows what was going through D & D's mind on the "Day of the Dead (Dia de las Muertes)." He'd seen more than his share: THE DEAD? And his re-remembrance? Stuff of fondness? Unlikely, considering his De-tect KIDS: "Lost & Found" Investigations Business? Or night-mares, less we forget; THE HORROR?... D & D had had his share IN THE ECONOMY SIZE and "discount for Murder" always comes at - personal - inflationary prices. Ask any Coroner... or Cops? Some Cops (Case Detectives) go to their graves with murderer-taped victim's  pleas/screams bouncing 'round their heads?... As for the latest?

MANUEL LABOR, so called 'cos he took his time over freaking out, murdering, then dissecting his KNOWN 80 (Eighty) VICS, South side of San Diego, North side TIJUANA, Mexico, suggestive? PERP must have had a big kitchen? -and was, according to LEW-tenant YOLONZO, a product of "Bad Salsa", bad "Something." -like the thriving worm in a bottle of prized Tequila? -which made NO sense down at City Hall (L.A.), but NOT for Private Dick, D & D (U lose 'em, WE find 'em) Detective Agency.

D & D "nailed da TABASCO" up at PEPE'S TACO GRILLO down on Pico Blvd, the  border of West Hollywood and Santa Monica. (Always a famous TWILIGHT ZONE). It was a NO-BRAINER. Senor PEPE, owner-manager-sadistic pervert was expanding his Taco food Chain and knocking off UN-documented Waitresses, "Illegals", essentially Socially sanctioned Murder-Rape fodder!

D & D got him on a PEPPE'S TACO GRILLO "napkin" tucked inside a VIC's "Intimissi" power bra which Pepe - in frantic butchery? - had failed to observe.  Plus? PEPE'S TACO GRILLO (the one on West Pico) was a KNOWN eatery for Serial Killer/Ghouls-wannabees, having once been featured in a "Slasher" B-movie.

D & D discounted several of the known "regulars"/Usual suspects/wannabee Serial Killers... and took a lonesome look at the Eateries owner who vaguely reminded him of an Hispanic WAYNE GACEY! And sharper than an HABENERO Chilli, Pepe (Manual Labor) "checked-in" when confronted by D & D presenting him with photos of his dead VICS. So enamoured with the Cop's blatant murder photos, he let it slip that HE had a matching pair! Arrogant/Idiot? "AY CARAMBA!" Who knows the ways of Psycho-killers?...

...His later - official - "confession" was extracted by TWO BRUISER Detectives from West Hollyhocks Division down at the LAPD sweat shop from Hell (In SAN PEDRO) where he was given the "legal choice" of "Confess or DIE"?

So D & D, yet again, had scored. But to the Working Folks/Hispanic, largely Illegal Los Angeles community, he would remain largely unknown: A Gabaucho!"Da Kops got dare Manno! And many Padres and Madres breathed a sigh of relief for their little Senoritas.



c 2015/davedelacroix, Nov.






"D & D" -DETECTIVE: "DUCK SOUP!"



D & D Detectice/MENU FOR MURDER>  Duck Soup!


"Duck Soup!"



BE-BOOP-A-LOOPA! Heart! "D &/D" at cross purposes with the Santa Monica fellas "in bags", he  caught a much needed consultation FEE after a disastrous weekend at the Santa-Anna Racetrack, looking for a lost "No Chance" of finding: "Miss Lost & Found": Miss Suzie Q. Maybe blond? 15 going on 35... U gettin' this? Lost kid on a Milk Carton? And "D & D" got GRIPPED?...to find?... (Rich parents.) To Santa Monica, North of Venice California, where the "debris" meets the Sea...

So. Onward! Muggy ol' Southern California morning. The sun wouldn't or couldn't shine. Smog, over.- cast. The MEAN season. COPS in dress uniform (Bags) Tee shirts, sweating, but couldn't get a tan? -Tip-toe-In around some news-worthy  blood and gore: The Celebrity CHEF, Rodrigo Katzenburger! Owner of Celebrity Chef. Outlets on MELROSE, Sunset Boulevard. TV Canned SOUP!!!  DISMEMBERED:With his OWN Celebrity Carving knife Set, no less... However, the Guy DID - apparently - have a HEART?...It kept on pumping gushes of OOZE - witnessed by "the UN--usable/ UN-reliables  - male/female -  who go by the name of "Ralph"- witnesses and  who get to write the neighborhood  history books. And, why they are  sometimes accurate, don't ask me why? Maybe because, alternatively,  when Hollywood's MEDIA shows up it always ends up Creme-puff? - Grab da Kleenex: A HUMAN story? ("Let's talk about our FEELINGS?)

 And a fella called Howard - wannabee Newshound - ran for his Cam-Corder but missed Rodrigo's Swansong before being arrested;  But he DID get to sweep the domestic debacle. (Hard to miss?) lingering on what in fact was SPLURGE Tomato soup...turning to mud on the High end, left-front gas ring? "COOK-A-BILL-E-TEE" thingy -he surmised, considering its  potential Video-news-promo to Chanel 5: "Suzie Toyota Reporting!"; DANG She gonna EAT this!?....which was WHEN (which was then:) when Santa Monica's "finest" barged in like Jack-whatsit from TV series: "24":
"PUT THE WEAPON ON THE GROUND!!!...er..."PUT THE CAM-CORDER ON THE FRICKIN' GROUND!"....
Poor Howards Scoop got grounded!

D & D, having just arrived, putting the Suzie-Q/missing kid case on hold, addressed the cops, ambulance man, the fireman, Uncle Tom Cobbley and All: "S'UP!?"
"Katzenburger got sliced!" -responded a cop in "bags", distracted; vaguely toying with the idea of investing in a new big screen TV with inter-net Conn/display.
"Rodrigo cooked the Goose!" -elucidated the Fireman.
"Rodrigo IS Goose!" -suggested the semi-medically trained - Paramedic; "With Tomato Soup!"

Detective Nalty, dressed in Monkey shit coloured Fedora and Rat's piss colored Mackintosh - on the advice of his Holly-hocks Talent Agent, poking his head out into the crowded corridor, seeing D & D: "DAT U, Big D?" and laughing: "Always on the scene, eh? U wanna Confess TO or help solve this Baby?" And aside, to the corridors assembly, "Sorry fellas. No GOOSE. Just Tomato soup!"
"Bloody, hu?" commented one of the cops.
"Fatal!" replied Nalty. "Forgot to add Basilicum!"

Invited, D & D surveyed the culinary crime scene: "Yup. Basilicum. Get U every time."
"He didn't stand a chance!" -poked in a  rookie cop, intruding on the crime scene like a "Wookie" from Star Wars.
"Say wha?" asked D-tect Nalty.
"Out-knifed! Clear-cut; no? -the rookie, absorbed: "Sheffield Steel. If I read this right?" -fingering the evidence.
"You mean, out-Gunned?" -said D & D, with a straight face: "10 against ONE!?"
The Rookie was ejected from the crime scene.

"I HATE to quote Frank Zappa, but: WELL!??" unleashed Nalty, thinking D & D had chewed his "cud" long enough.
"WHEEEE'LL?" responded D & D, "Don't take this as Gospel and DO NOT make BOOK, but I think the solution to your homicide, taking it AS a homicide, discounting the possibilities of a ferociously determined suicide or a culinary HIGH NOON involving - even as we speak TEN Mescaleroes covered in Tomato GOOP waiting on the "ZEPHYR" down at Union station, bound for Acapulco...?"
"Cut to  the chase, Big D" exclaimed Nalty, exasperated. "I'm NOT on overtime and KATHLEEN - Mrs Nalty to you? - promised me Pate fois Gras after the late night movie!"
"You're being OBTUSE, Nalty. At least, I hope U are? But, OK. I'll deal..."

D & D continued: "Detective Nalty: Mon Dude! The solution to this debacle lies at ANY Super-market check-out stand..."
Nalty was impatient: "Big D! Jesus! U on DRUGS!? And  I'm not sure what Obtuse means? Sounds like some kind of venereal disease? And PUR-LEEZE let's not get into THAT. Frick'in EXPLAIN Sherlock!?"
"OK, Nalty. I'll make it easy. Here's the ORIGAMI! Super-market check out counter, right? Gossip magazines! Insider Mags. U don't do grocery shopping? Ask Kathleen/Mrs Nalty?  -where U read Hollywood Yaketty-Yak. The Stars! In front of the Camera. BEHIND the Camera! Who's bonking Who? Who's IT? Who's IN? Who is..."
"Who is OUT?" -concurred Nalty.
"Your VIC, " sighed  D & D, "El Katzen-whatsit? is KNOWN to be switching TV Networks... (There's) NO secrets in Hollywood, brother. INFORMATION is POWER as some dead movie producer-power broker once plagiarized from some penniless writer. Anyhow, Katzen-dudes Producer ALSO named Katzen-thingy, was going to lose his Yamaka over our Vic's networks change! Add to THAT? -trouble was brewing on the set! It's common - Insider knowledge! Apparently, ONE Katz got respect (the one leaving) and the OTHER Katz, little or none since having HIS credit embossed on the fade-out credits which NOBODY except the mindless/ retarded bother to read anyhow!?"
D & D looked at Nalty's blank stare.
"U with me SO far, Detective?"
Nalty, finally: "So?..."

"SO," concluded D & D, taking up the slack: "Show-biz competition/jealousy in Technicolour/ /revenge/who got the biggest Yamaka; who frickin' knows? Ask any In-side/Insider and 5 wìll get U 10 THEY won't know either! Ya foll-a DUCK SOUP!!! -Hollywood Style!... So, Detective, take the already assembled KEYSTONE COPS and swoop on down to Senor Producer Katzies Laurel Canyon - once ritzy - bungalow and 5 will get U ten he's making Tomato soup, or rather, trying to send it to Chinatown!"
"Laundry?"
"On the button!..."
D & D, then turning to the soup/blood spattered kitchen: "Here! A jar of Basilcum. Better take it with U, hu?"
Detective Nalty took the jar: "Yo! Just in case." And grinned...



davedelacroix/march-2016/modica-sicily.




Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ D-D-Detective: MENU FOR MURD'AH!: "Doc Salad & Mr Fried."


Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix esq./D-D-Detective: MENU for MURDER! -"Doc Salad & Mr Fried."



Forensics? Actually, not one of the seven tribes commemorated on the Jewish candle holder, cast light and shadows in many a corner.... SPOOKY!
Private Dick, "D & D!": "THIS sonofabitch, frickin' SERIAL KILLER, is a hot tomato; if we don't saute his ass  in a WOK... he's bad boogie to catch, and ya can quote me!?"
That the PERP coated his victims, first in mixed salad, according to the Police Semite Department, then went at their "Salad con Mayo" smeared torsos with an artists Bunsen burner/extra Virgin Olive Oil...had all & sundry -non-plussed!
Initially, "D&D" figured twins. The Menendez brothers. Piccolini intelligentsia? But under the influence -lethargic days and nites - exposed to several celebrity cooking TV shows - he renounced ALL logic and then casually suggested to the LAPD "powers-dat-be": "Look for a "Saucier", a "Short Order Cook" or a "Sushi-Kamikaze-maniac!"
...Crystal ball?

2 Sushi Chefs in Santa Monica were immediately arrested on culinary/homicidal misdemeanours (Didn't know how to prepare Blow fish). Several Short Order Cooks in Orange County were busted outright! -Spread of SELOMINA! They were - all to a man! - chronic masturbators, never washed their hands, then served up Cheeseburgers!
The Saucier, a misfit-UBER-mensch was eventually nailed by D-tect super-market surveillance purchasing galoshes of Salad Cream and canisters of Calor-Gas at "Ralphs" super mart in Malibu, repetitively, on his ONLY - notable - "Big Lowbowski" "Ralphs" discount I.D. card.
The Paparazzi (inside COPS moles/I.C.M's) had a field day. Why wouldn't they?...

"D&D"'s consultation, and at his direction, actually led to the bust, nevertheless felt it wise to remain in the brouhaha shadows. Still; the need to check out DOC SALAD & MR FRIED's low rent Studio City apartment, whilst not undertaken Forensically, and no-way Biblical in annotation, nevertheless had its own revelations: A wardrobe chocka with TWO-TONE outfits. In the garage? TWO Corvettes. One RED, the other one in blue. In the bathroom (where do psychos spend their leisure hours?) photos of hookers in pairs, kids, basically; and TWINS -when available: The conclusive evidence?... On top of a wardrobe of TWO-TONE garments: One serious gaudy neck-tie portraying elephants, whales and monkeys, all looking happy!
Spooky.
Homo Sapien has been trying to either annihilate or eat these critters since Time began!