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Thursday, December 15, 2011

OUR MAN in EUROPE/dave delacroix: (Piacenza) Take 17: Barney Fife International! (The B.F.I.)


Take 17: Barney Fife International!  (The B.F.I)


I am  able to report that in the "city" of Piacenza, Italy, of course, there are 5 flavors of "Barney Fifes."

The big shots? The CARRABINERI who dress like Napoleon (Bonaparte), least ways, his Imperial Guard, in all their uniform splendor.
And, in fact? -splendid they look!

Next? The POLEZI. Very Gestapo. THEY, I guess, get to clean up ( any criminal mess) when the CARRABINERI have "told you off for pee-ing on ancient statues" and are busy filing triplet reports.
(to who?)

Then there's the "Citta" (city) cops (more storm troopers)...who if no-one is looking (the most honest of the lot!) will just kick your Ass for being a public nuisance.
(Jeeze, folks! I've seen it a million times!)

There then follows an ARMY of bureaucrats, Civic cops, Public Utility cops...and ALL of them (including the CARRABINERI), so I'm led to believe, are only allowed ONE actual bullet...which they must keep in their uniform/vest pocket...in case of emergencies:
                                                                            Mad Monks!
                                                                            Nun Agitators!
                                                                            Pilgrim Panderers!
                                                                            Rampant Paedophile Priests
being the latest (DOH!) social phenomena!

Belligerent American tourists, of course? No big deal. When you go on Safari - with ONE bullet - you DONT shoot the blessed Zebra. You're actually after a rhino, an elephant, or a lion!
 A kick in the ass? You behave and go on your way.

But back to the (local) cops.

The pistols they (the cops, hopefully not YOU)...they wear, incidentally, are standard Glock 9mm's which, in the words of Clint Eastwood (sorta-kinda) can/will "blow your head CLEAN OFF!" -which, however, comes with thee adviso (from the local cop):

(In Italian, for gods sake!): "Just gimme a MO, dude, whilst I load the frickin bullet!"....adding; "Meantime? My colleagues will beat the shit outta ya; though, regarding the ensuing blood on your clothes?...My Uncle Giuseppe has a Dry Cleaning business and will take care of your laundry at a discount price; just mention my name!..."



c 2011/davedelacroix/under house arrest with a case of Peroni beer/piacenza/vive italia!


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