Our Man in Europe, now Belize, Dave Delacroix: "The Masturbating Classical Symphonies" Part 1.
...I'VE ALWAYS HAD MY DOUBTS about Tchaikovsky, Russki composers as a whole. It's un-likely - whilst masturbating/lonesome listeners as we R - ever could be comfortable, maybe in a Turkish Bath, or psychologically become commensurate within ICE COLD SOVIET comfort? Lenin or Stalin. Legs a-tremble, pretending they had Alzheimer's? (It's cold out there?) And why worry about EUROPE? They got 5 times the size of the U.S.A to their EAST! (Kansas with no Banjo!)
The TSARS, fluent in several languages except their own -otherwise they would never have been deposed, IVAN the "Terrible", spilling cocktails on your Persian rug, openly fornicating with his concubines, willing or UN-willing on the same rug, that's why he was known as "I-DUDE.com-the Terrible": and not that good (?) in the sack... & in a fit of rage, killed his own SON. The Balalaikas ring on out...An up-side-down Macbeth?...
...or a Tchaikovsky tune? "Mein Gott!" They ALL trace back to the RUSS, bloody Vikings, river-longboat pirates. Thank God TCHAIK-Shostakovich, etc., never got plundered by Romans/Greeks despite the cultural ALAMO of KIEV, Greek Orthodoxy; the Russkies generally looked West because they didn't fancy KANSAS in the economy size?
WHO SWOONS at Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 6.? Or frantically masturbate/tap loudly their feet on the upper circle of London's Royal Albert Hall? Can anyone CONCEIVE the EXPANSE, the DESOLATION, the Trans-Siberian railroad, the bodies buried alongside, GOGOL's "Dead Souls"? DOSTEYVESKY, a weekend pass to Baden-Baden? Lost his shirt on the casino "banco", but so do we all?
I always had my doubts about Russian Composers. They always cloud their photo "Selfies" in beards. And all those 1800 fucks! Bloody Writers: TOLSTOY always dressed down. CHEKHOV, another "mystery man". Bloody Tchaikovsky? Symphonies up the WAZEE. Masturbate or NOT: It's what it means. And when U strip down the orchestration, Debussy, Chopin, wet underpants in stench garrets on French boulevards? A Siberian wilderness or maybe U get the same groove in a room?
....The Masturbation Symphonies. PART 2. -to be continued...
c.2026. Dave Delacroix.
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