Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix esq./the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/No. 2: WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle: No 2: WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE


During the holiday season, Xmas/new year, it's customary to blast out "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (Ze Beatles) or a myriad of Classical music; choral, symphonic, Mozart: yet, don't ask me how/why? -the WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (Dvorzak?) always neaks in there on the radio play-list, somewhere?...

Historical background? -'Bout some - I dunno? - SWISS guy who pisses off the local Sherrif and has to prove his innocence (law & order) by/with a Crossbow, shooting an APPLE (?) off  his son's head from 3 thousand yards...? All to the sound of flutes, accordions, bagpipes & and beer belching! (He gotta fail). Still? He, WILLIAM TELL, accomplishes this feat.

Think "regionally", folks? In the Amazon, he'd have to use a bow and poisoned tipped arrow! In Tanzania, a great big frickin' spear! In OLDE England/France? a really long Lance! -later? a spiked Mace!!! In New York City, a Colt.45; in Los Angeles? -anything "semi-automatic"! (purchased in South-Central).

The fact that Wialliam Tell (of OVERTURE fame) -with crossbow HIT the apple and NOT his kid's head, is a miracle. Everywhere else? It's a god damn funereal.

c 2012/dave delacroix/our man in europe/dec/piacenza/italia

Our man in Europe/The FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle: dave delacroix/part 1: TRANQUILITY ANNONYMOUS.

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/the FURTHER adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/part ONE:  TRANQUILITY ANNONYMOUS.



"Hello! My name is Dave. I've been NON-tranquiltity for 2 weeks!"
(HOORAH! -Dave!!!)
"...I first knew I was a tranquility sufferer when I lapsed into "higher deucation", started dating a CO-ED named WANDA and began reading Dostoyevsky?
Wanda, of course, left me me for some whizz-kid on Facebook called RALPH. She had a dog - Cockle-spanniel - ALSO called Ralph.
Wanda and Ralph (the Cockle-spanniel) now live in an Airstream trailer WITH RALPH (the facebook-dude) just south of Phoenix, Arizona.
Like I say; my name is DAVE. I'm working on NON-tranquility, and and have been "tranqulity-free" for over 2 weeks!

People I know - hardly friends? - keep dropping by my room at the MOTEL 6 (where I reside) and persistently; either want me to lend them $20.00, invest in  Rock-Cocaine, or go with them to BBQ's/late night parties?
Up till 2 weeks ago, I'd always "put my foot down!" and say, "Absolutely NOT. I'm Tranquil!"

Reading the complete works of Dostoyevsky, however, must have had some effect? The text is in Russian, but even an IDIOT can translate "Crime and Punishment"? -it's a Crime to write, and a punishment to read: -ask WANDA! -why, indeed, she probably left me/I yabbered, re. subj. mucho-mucho: (with the Cockle-Spanniel CALLED Ralph, she left me...) for that guy named Ralph.
Crime? Punishments? Idiots?...

Anyhow, things take time. It's only been 2 weeks. And with the aid of my psycho-therapist (Vinnie, the Rock-cocine dealer) who works out of the next room at the MOTEL 6; -daily BBQ's, late nite parties? -I DO believe I'm in "recovery"...?

"HI. My name is DAVE. I've been NON-Tranquility for 2 weeks!..."
(HOORAH!-DAVE!)


c 2012/davedelacroix/xmas eve/piacenza/italia

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/rockstar/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 20: "Post Office Sketc..."

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/rockstar/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle! -part 20:  "Post Office sketch..."


Scene: Italian Post office.

ME: "I want to pay my utility - gas/electric - bill?
CASHIER: "So give me the bill?"
ME: "I don't have one."
CASHIER: "You want to pay a bill that you don't have? Are you an idiot?"
ME: "Madame, I AM an idiot...but thinking of my immediate future, I figure I should pay my utility bill. It's Winter, after-all"
CASHIER: "Do you have any kind of "future" paper-work; a "future" bill?"
ME: "No Ma'am. Just MONEY:"
CASHIER: "Well, how much do you think you owe? I mean; have you left the lights on all month, the jacuzzi, bubbling; have - if you HAVE any children? - have they been splashing around in your customized-heated swimming pool...with rubber ducks and a pink - flotation - giraffe?"
ME: "Ma'am? I got nothing to do with giraffes."
CASHIER: "But you DO admit to:

1) Having a swimming pool?
2) A bubbling jacuzzi?
3) Children?
4) A pink flotation device that COULD pass as a giraffe?"

ME: "Ma'am? I got nothing to do with giraffes."
CASHIER: "Look!... Before I call my Supervisor..."

(to be continued)

Stock cubes: €o.35
Yoghurt: €0.25
Vino: €5.00
Latte: €2.00 (3 litres)
String beans: €1.50
Utility bill: €250.00

c 2012/davedelacroix/dec/piacenza/italy

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/handsome guy/lord BORGO/here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 19: .....For ZELDA.

Our man in Europe/dave delacroix/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 19: "...for ZELDA."


There is not a doubt in my mind that when Abe Lincoln delivered his speech: The Declaration of Independence, on the battlefield field of Gettysburg, where so much butchery had taken place...he had tooth-ache or crotch-itch?
There's NO levity, here, folks. Just an observation of the on-going Human condition...  Re. tooth-ache, etc.? YOU would have. I would have, too. It's a NO-brain er. Comes with the territory.
ABE probably needed a tooth-pick. All General Ulysses S. Grant could do was offer his President a bottle of Whisky!...?

Does the Soul get younger...as mind, body-limbs degenerate?
Universally, it's possible.

Once again, we "prep" for yuletide;

Where are the Claudia's, Carole's, Anita's and Zelda's of yest er-year?

Claudia would arrive with a new Tiffany table lamp.

Carol? A Yiddish tree, plus sweetmeats.

Anita? She would bounce out her best "chiffon" and dance the night away!

Zelda? She would bring her Heart and - like the Sun - BLAZE!...

Did I forget to mention Wanda?.. SHE would ignore the festivities. Instead? She'd find a quiet room and work feverishly, polishing her SURF BOARD (long one).

Unlike festive "tweakers" on Cocaine, THESE ladies had no USE for Shame...and spoke with intelligence.

WHERE ARE they now? Where!?... Dead? Buried? Living, perhaps, in that sad Stretch Limousine called Maturity? -under, go figure, the ALL SEEING EYE of that Clown in the sky?

I KICK.
I KICK HARD!!!

Abe Lincoln.. Poor man. GREAT man. He lost his young, only son, to illness.
Heartbroken.
Why? And how can we thrive in the throes of such vicissitudes?

Jock-itch?
Scalp-itch?
Menstrual nightmares?
Bi-polar-ism?
NO DENTAL PLAN?
Jeeze!? What am I gonna wear tonight? It's Christmas!!!!

...I think I'll wear "the Declaration of Independence"... for Zelda.

c 2012/dec/davedelacroix/lord borgo/piacenza/italia.

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/here comes Johnny Love Muscle/part 18: BAMBOO!

Europe thingy/dave/Love Muscle on the premises!/part 18:  BAMBOO!


Listening to Wagner opera is a tad like reading my Winter's utility bill. Verdi? Consomme for the starving. There's a hearty cruton in there, someplace. Alas, my spoon has no guidance system.
Italian Classical-music radio; the D-J's, worthy of the Flavian Colisseum (give them centre stage and hope the lions are hungry?): DEF.

The Chinese, who invented EVERYTHING twice outside of sexual abstinence are Dance Commanders. Yet whilst chop stcks are eco-practical, I will always opt for the logic of a fork.

BAMBOO (the cane)  comes to mind. It's a source of stored water, if fermented? -beer/vino; a construction material: a weapon!
My OWN focus is turning it into a "Still": Alcohol. An elexir for the mind and soul?
Like I say; the Chinese have already invented/discovered this Twice.

Listening to Wagner opera is a tad like reading my Winter's utility bill. Verdi? A consomme for the starving. Indeed, there's a hearty cruton in there, someplace. My spoon, alas, has no guidance system.

I just met Franzetta. She's Italian. She's young. She's an aristocrat. She likes Verdi. She's rich. She wears a decorious silk bandanna and has a "lamia" body.
I explain my penury, my €139.20 utility bill. (they'll disconnect me mid.Jan) She gives me the money, and then some. (there's some kissing involved).
My trauma is complete. Pay the utility bill or go by a truck load of Whisky?

Like I say; the Chinese invented everything twice.


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/piacenza/italia

Our Kid in Europe/dave delacroix/adventures of Johnny Love Muscle/part 17/ CHRISTMAS CAROL

Our kid in Europe/dave delacroix/here comes Johnny Love Muscle/part 17/CHRISTMAS CAROL


A broken clock is correct, twice, every 24 hours, IF - infact - Time... is anything. to go by: We walk by night..
Whisky'll make a blind man sing the Blues. Clocks? Re. that Whisky thing? -the Jury is "still out" on that one, though I have seen some crazy clocks!; not one of them can answer: "Ou sont les neige, d'anton?"

Beans: €.25 c.
Tomatoes: € 1.00
Pasta: € 1.00

A Drunk has Faith in beer. An Alcoholic, in Vodka. YOUTH? -in Tomorrow. The Aged? -in TIME...which, they have learnt to fear.
As for the latter? Clocks are "dread"; all Faith, instilled in childhood, is laced with fear. It's the Brandy in the Christmas pudding. Somewhere within, there's a coin, a three-penny bit, a silver sixpence... Actually, it's the only way to get the kids to eat Cake!?
Baby Jesus's nativity scene & Capitalism-greed go hand-in-hand. And THAT was back in the 1960's! Today? 2012? Instead of almost choking to death on pudding/discovering metal in your mouth, you're more likely to find yourself chowing down on a plastic Credit-card ($50 credit limit) awaiting - whilst staring at the Nativity scene/some cartoon on MTV - your signature...?

Still; it's an influence. Hopefully, one that penetrates "blank minds" and leads you elsewhere, than to the field of Lawyering (the brandy) or Politics? (Heroine, probably)

Mushrooms:  €2.15
Can of tomatoes:  €.0.99c
Spinnach/frozen:  €2.00

A broken clock is accurate, twice every 24 hours. Somebody once coigned it. Maybe they coigned it twice, just to get the message across? -We walk by Night...in the Light of Day.

Meantime? It's Time my "locks" (hair) gott'a trim!...:)


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/xmas/piacenza/italia
A

Our Man in Europe/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 16: SUBAH AL KAHIR! (I repeat) SUBAH AL KAHIR!

Young Dave-in Europe/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 16: "Subah al Kahir! Subah al Kahir!"
(Screenplay/treatment for "Internet Cafe" Movie")


WOMAN SCREAMS (a lot) obviously in labour/giving birth/it's messy...on the floor of an Internet Cafe in Piacenza, Italy.
DANIEL, the young Manager, not supported by anyone in the Cafe "delivers" the infant. 2 of several - useless bystanders - faint/pass out. One "netter" keeps on typing/skyping, indifferent.
DANIEL holds up new-born, bloodied infant; looks into Camera:

(Daniel) : "You know? It wasn't always like this? It used to be a Business, a gift from my Dad - may Allah favor him in heaven - to my brother FANI, to me, so that we could raise our families and be free?

(FLASHBACK) Daniel's Dad, addressing both Daniel & Fani:

"Boys? I got us the hell out of Dacca (Pakistan). You don't remember. You were just infants haning onto your Momma's Sari. But TRUST ME, here in Italy, ya got a fighting chance. Ya DO right by the World? The World will DO right by you!... I bought into this "Internet thing". A shop. 15 work stations, 8 phone kiosks, coffee machine, desk-table, current years' calender which, you will note, is hanging on the wall to my right -as TIME IS EVERYTHING. So, go to it! Rake in the Clients, make lots'a bucks! And keep the bathroom clean!"
(Daniel & Fani click their heels and look obliquely in Dad's general direction)

Did I mention LOLA?

(Daniel) "So we hung out Dad's shingle: "Happy Time-Internet Cafe"... First day? NEMO. NADA. No biz.  Second day? BUFFALO STAMPEDE: Indira Ghandi and her many cousins, Mustapha from Morrocco plus lots of cousins, YELLOW ORCHID from Malaysia/runs a Dance Class down the street, HELMUT - go figure? - a German guy, operates the local biker outlet/is always showing up with Harley-Davidson parts and deserious of "Auto-cad" (re. bikes) with which - Allah-akbah!" - my brother FANI is conversant.

My discourse with the Cafe's clientele consists mostly of "Subah al kahir" (Good morning). Please use work station No. 9, whatever. That will be 1 Euro, 3 Euroes; do you need change? Grazie. And when the poorest of the clientele (Bosnian refugees) struggle to pay their bill? -Grazie, grazie, Dio! (thanks god)...

...............................


TO BE CONTINUED...... "Subah al Kahir/Internet Cafe" -including my (Daniel), my affair with ballerina, Yellow-Orchid, how FANI - my brother - becomes a Protestant and has a frustrated love affair with a female Bhuddist, how three - not very proffessional NINJA super-market robbers take refuge in the Cafe, culminating in a Swat team Cop stand-off and use our SKYPE service for free, how HELMUT the Biker comes to the rescue, the BUFFALO STAMPEDE, the necessary CAR-CHASE, the big SHOOT-OUT with semi-automatic weapons, and how I - sort of - become the hero of the day!.... (Honest!)
Did I mention LOLA?


c 2012/dave delacroix/lord borgo/dec/xmas/piacenza/italia