Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "CANDIDO!"

Our Man in Europe/dave delacroix/ "Candido!"



(Apres Voltaire: Philosophy? -The World Sucks!)


My name is Candido. My TUTOR (I was a Gal or Boy of 7?) always said, "Don't inhale!" and "Life sucks!". I was just a Kid, a Gal, giving it all away? Nevertheless, I had my own TAKE on El Tutor's Philosophy; it was somehow ingrained, genetically, that LIFE "sucked"; and secondly? "Don't sweat the SMALL pieces, nor SWALLOW Truth  outright?
My TUTOR, apparently, on a mission to inaugurate a doomed to fail - financial-Pyramid scheme - in Albania - was killed in the dissolution of Tito's Yugoslavia. His Mistress received and  took charge of his only surviving left leg/no recompense, in a small box: her requiem on a 4 string Ukulele: "Life Sucks!" I was there at the Interment whilst disciples, colleagues,  aficionados uttered sacred words! References to Vlad the Impaler (Where are U now?) stuff. I should'a sold Tickets to! But I - as we now know? - I would'a lost my shirt? Still? There was much I didn't understand? Fortunately - Life? - I was "seconded" (SEE-CON-DEAD) to Mexico, the border, TEJAS, New Mexico and it didn't mean a thing? Long tall White boys taking Pot-Shots at me, Mexicali Mom and Kids, twix swillin' Budweiser's atop their Chevrolet 4x4s to put the Philosophy: "Life Sucks!" right off the tracks? And right then (Kids blood spattered head on my desert-Levi lap) I looked up and thought I recognized my TUTOR sporting a Clark Gable moustache? YO! UNDER FIRE from "Homeland Security Rednecks, my TUTOR, gesticulating, running for his life: "Life - Yup! - Sucks!?" My name is Candido: I still wasn't gonna buy it? (Life sucks?)

WE "Cognoscenti", we-"DEJA-VU", we've seen all this JAZZ before? Maybe? Or an inherent propaganda for smart Cats? A Cocaine-Mile high, then landing, somehow...in gay Paree? (Paris-France?) To drift along the Seine?
"Cafe, Monsieur?"...or, "GUILLOTINE, fucker!?"-same old Song: Life sucks....time and place...if you're a Victim? And in the Place de la Concorde, the HATE, I can still smell the thirst for blood? Vive la Revolution! My TUTOR? So much for his words. And so much for Liberte, Egality and Brothers?
England wasn't much better; peeling potatoes for "Fish & Chips", add salt and malt vinegar and wrap in yesterdays NEWSPAPER, yesterdays Tabloid? U Munch on down whilst reading about how Life sucks? -So I decided to become a Journalist! Happenstance, on my way to the new job I ran into a group of UN-employable SENEGALESE "refugees" (Refugees from perfect beaches, palm trees, fruit growing on trees, a Babe-a-rama) who assured me "LIFE SUCKED!" even in a tropical paradise? And I believed every word thus qualifying me for the Newspaper's position of "Foreign Correspondent" Thus, I took up my new ADJECTIVE? Certainly not a Pro-noun.

In SHANGHAI; it sounds a bit odd, but everyone sounds "Cantonese" (Chinese -lingua), especially the Europeans? They regress, I guess. Minimize their English, French  or German: "Sound like Chinese Waiter!, no bow? IT SUCKED!!! Japan? Much the same? Convenient for the Guillotine? Moscow, Russia, sucked too. (Didn't get to St. Pete's). Fleas & Borsch, tits, sweaty cleavage, crotch and caviar: U don't know da meaning of heartbreak!? And BEHOLD! My TUTOR: "ALIVE!?"-minus one leg? We embraced. I immediately asked him about how he felt about losing his left leg? (A rhetorical question). He told me his story of survival yet, whilst constantly slapping my face, left to right, and at some point - due to his facial administrations - I lost consciousness - after many travels...he'd discovered GOLD in Patagonia then blew his wealth on a LONE card game (Texas Hold'em) in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA; SCREAMING! -"U Know WHASSIT!?" (I was losing consciousness?)

Later after much discussion, he wanted to know about my travels in Portugal, Spain and ancient Greece? I was reluctant, considering his Philosophy: "Life Sucks!"? I didn't want him to denigrate the Positive of my experience? So - experiencing severe scalp itch at this time  I en crouched my tales in symbolism's of Vanity: "Portugal is Psoriasis, Spain is Byrlcreem and Greece...?"; and left him to decide... at which he immediately wagged his amputated leg-stump at me and said, perhaps, after-all, I was his Protege, a Plato to his "Whassit?" in the Philosophical School/Academy: "Life Sucks!" -Once more, we embraced!

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I remember crying aloud; "I didn't mention Lotus-Blossom, Inge, Enola-Gay, Giada, some of the many women in my travels; but the ONLY women I ever loved, Sweet-Louise, she constantly beat me over the head whenever I reminisced about my TUTOR, so much so that I had to get rid of her, and now, in truth, ALL ALONE, the big sky of Spain's high sierras above me; the blood red-rust of God's earth beneath: "Life truly SUCKS!" A backdrop of windmills, Dragons, Villains, Damsels in distress -STILL to be SAVED; saved from a World that sucks! All THIS I now see! My name is Candido!!!.... But my Tutor never heard my vows; he, I eventually realized, had left me...  a long, long time ago.




c 2017/march/davedelacroix/davedelacroix/LORD BORGO/Sciacca-Sicily.