Our Man in Europe/Dave Delacroix/Lord Borgo/Here comes Johnny Love Muscle!/part 14: "Arrivederci, Mr Scrooge!"
I'd like - in advance - to NOT thank all my USA fans for NOT SENDING any advance-Yuletide gifts, presents, Red Cross parcels, etc.
My own gifts (to all 3,000 of them, especially those blondes down in Santa Barbara, California) which I've wrapped, addressed, duct taped, are awaiting Signori Giovanni Posto (the Mail guy who dresses like Napoleon). Xmas, for HIM is a stressful time. When an Italian Mailman "goes Postal!", watch out! He either reaches for his ceremonial Sabre/dress-thing/not sharp/but can wave it about OR - be doubly alert! - starts loading his Musket/Blunderbuss gun (takes a few minutes...) and can clear an entire Post Office with a single discharge!
Re. my Xmas parcel gifts to my USA fans? I repeat They are wrapped, addressed, duct taped, awaiting only the cost of the postage/stamps (pesky detail) and in view of my anticipation of actually NOT being reciprocated in my yuletide magnimanity, it's quite possible that I can give Signori Giovanni Posto a break, hold off to Spring (Primiaveri) or open them (the prezzies) myself on Xmas day and GUSH:
"Gee? Wonder what THIS is?"
"A PLECTRUM!" Wow."
"An old wristwatch/Doesn't work! Wow!"
"A battered paperback/Agatha Christie/"Why didn't they ask EVANS?" -Wow!"
Wow-wow-wow! - "A vintage DAVE DELACROIX - OUR TOUR 89 tee shirt!?" -Frickin' wow! I used to have one just like that!!!? -Amazing. Zanks, Santa Claws...?
MACKEREL (the Fish), incidentally, usually comes in a €2.00 tin can... For all "I" know, that's how Mackerel are born. The sea bed, apparently, is littered with them. Fishermen (dudes in rubbers) come by and "trawl" the suckers up in a heavy net, bypass the Cannery factory and park them on the Supermarket shelves.
I'm reliably informed by the ghost of MARK TWAIN -who resides on a barstool at the Cafe Vespa/Piacenza , that it is indeed a lucrative business... And if there are NO flies actually IN the Can with the blessed Mackerel? Don't eat it. (the Mackerel) It's not fresh. (According to Mark Twain)
Back to MACKEREL (the fish) I got 'me one. A CAN, that is... Been saving it since July. And if it hasn't quite turned into a bacterial-science project, THAT Baby's on my Xmas day luncheon plate along with the spuds and greens; served, quite naturally, with Chateau BOX vino Rose (dubious vintage) and a side saucer of COLMANS super-hot English mustard powder which, again, MARK TWAIN-Cafe Vespa barstool sage-dude - informs me you're supposed to mix with a little water (?) ...
My "Budette" (female for Buddy) Carole - from the USA - left me a huge bag of it when she whisked by last October. It's pretty "narly". I've been doing "lines" of the stuff on my coffee table every 45 minutes ever since! My nasal cavities, needless to say, are history.
"Apres" Xmas lunch? Whilst oggling the unsent gift/parcels? If Mimi & Mimi DO NOT swing by for a "menage de trois" dessert, then there's always the T.V. (limited channel reception) which seems to be monopolized by T.V. airwave Pirates from Eastern Europe (the Dark Side)... Serbia. Albania (known to own at least 3 TV sets), Bulgaria and the BIG ONE: Italo-Rumania.
Outside of the Rumanian political news -which I can't make head nor tale of ...as I don't speak the lingo (bunch of beauracrats in suits/ditto world goverment/it's time for a fashion revolution/"tie-dies & bell bottoms/beads"?), air-time is largely dedicated to "Soft-porn" always shot in the SAME horrendous block of flats, interspersed with lengthy Rumanian Folk songs/pop videos featuring Rumainian "Rock stars" who ALL play the Accordion/wear Gypsy costumes and do the "Eternal 2-step" on someone's back lawn... By the time the "show" shifts from soft porn to music videos, then reverts BACK to soft porn? Trust me. You're all fagged out.
Where was I? Oh yes. More to say. But I gotta go! From ME, Mark Twain and Tiny Tim? -Merry Christmas, EVERYONE!...:)
c 2012/davedelacroix/lord borgo/our man in europe/fuggedaboutit!....hugs!...:)
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