Our Man in Europe: Part 53: Mamma-mia!

Part 53:   Mamma-mia!


(Thought for today: The Family that breakfasts together...sticks together.... Leastways until someone (the Caterers?) shows up with lunch!)

And, oh! Pronto! -On speaking "Italian"?

It may not have escaped your attention that when communicating to the Italian race/nation, leastways, South of Napoli, that a certain skill is required.... Simply pronouncing the parlance is something of a lost cause:

"Scusi? La Stazione, per favore?"
("Where`s the frickin station, buddy?")

Better you adapt a theatrical poise, frantically wave your arms about - with all the fevour of heated masturbation - and rotate your hands a fingers, DO a back-flip (or cartwheel) and SCREAM (using all 5 octaves):

"SCUSI! SIGNORI!"
(Cartwheel)
"LA STAZIONE!!!"
(Then mellow out)
"Per favore...?"

And usually you`ll get an adequate/pertinent response such as:

"2 blocks straight, then make a left. A 100 yards! You cant miss it!" (in perfect English)

OR?

"Idiot! You`re standing in front of it!"

Which brings me to the Calabrian town of PAOLO. A snip of a coastal town on the main East coast rail route. For unlike Germany, which has the most logical and efficient system in the world, Italy`s railroads - like England`s - has a system sooooo designed that if you have to make a connection, your second train will have faithfully departed 20 minutes before you arrive at the connection stazione. In a nut? Nothing runs on time & ANY posted train schedules should be regarded as "official hearsay" and not fact.

Thus! My (visiting from the USA) Accountessa and I find ourselves stranded at PAOLO for a 3 hour wait/delay en route the resort town of Maratea.

So! To the small stazione bar/cafe. Tables, chairs, sidewalk arrayed, station front; directly across the street? -the town`s Police Station. An Art Deco building, 5 storeys, presumably once a hotel or block of condos as the upper 4 storey`s LOOK like condo units...with large windows/patio doors that give out onto individual small balconies, a dozen in all......WHICH both I and my Accountessa humorously pounce on!

....Thinking, should one be arrested IN Paolo for some misdemeanours such as spitting on the locals, urinating in public, getting busted for running a "Ponzi" scam, or being an outright serial killer?....perhaps one could request a cell with a balcony, a view of the Stazione, and the Mediterranean sea, a scant mile away?....

...Before, that is, they (the cops) go at you with the rubber hose and nail pliers, to extract a "guilty" confession?

"Mamma-mia!!!!!"


c 2011/may/our man in europe/dave delacroix/Paolo/Italia